


Nameless

by shinigami2174



Category: YiZhan/ZhanYi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Fallen Angels, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, M/M, Memory Loss, Phobias, Romance, Supernaturalbeings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 35,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinigami2174/pseuds/shinigami2174
Summary: Two wrongs can't make something right, right? Xiao Zhan and Wang Yi Bo are two people with...issues. They didn't know the exact nature of their issues until they fell in love.
Relationships: LanWangi/WeiWuxian, WeiWuxian/LanWangi, XiaoZhan/WangYiBo, wangyibo/xiaozhan - Relationship
Comments: 83
Kudos: 159





	1. The Escapist

**Author's Note:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Hi, my crazy imagination, my questionable (and very outdated) taste in music and I are back. This time we are not alone. Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 on Wattpad for editing this. 
> 
> Author Notes 2: The song is The Escapist by Nightwish. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z_vEuA3IK8

The young man woke up with a start. His breathing uneven, pearls of sweat running down his forehead. His pajamas completely soaked. He jerked to a seating position on his bed.

“Shit, not again!” He said to no one, frustrated. He was, after all, alone, as always. 

The red numbers on his alarm clock seemed to mock him. He was sure if they could talk they would say: yes fucker, again.

It had been a recurring experience for him to wake up at 3:33 in the morning for a year. He knew the drill by now. He could not go back to sleep at all.

Was it too much to ask? He just wanted a full night´s sleep. But then again, that was the sort of luxury that only normal people had. And he was anything but normal.

He reflected on that, pensive. He was an oddity and he knew it. It didn´t make him especially comfortable or happy. It was just what he was.

When they found him, he was around fourteen years old, or at least that was the age that was estimated by doctors. He had been naked, in the middle of Yading Mountains, covered in snow.

Nobody knew who he was or where he had come from. When they asked him about the situation like what his name was, why he was naked he couldn´t answer any of it. They marveled at the fact he hadn´t frozen to death

He didn´t have the slightest idea of who he was much less anything else. So the people who found him had to report his situation to the local authorities. 

Inquiries were made, but there was no filed missing report that fit his profile, so he became a ward of the State.

It would not had been bad at all if at least he had known his own name, but then again that was the stuff that only normal people got to experience.

The rest of his puberty was spent between school and hospitals. The psychology team of the orphanage he was sent to, tried hard to elucidate what the actual problem with his memory was. Unfortunately they had no success.

However, he needed an identity for legal reasons, so the State so kindly gave him one. He was given no choice on that matter.

So he grew up without many expectations of ever recovering his past. He tried to focus on his future. He worked hard, finished school and went to college.

Due to his previous experiences and the shit load of time he had spent in hospitals and psychiatric sessions, he decided that mental health would be his chosen professional field.

But now he was starting to doubt his mental sanity… even more. When this waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night shit started, he also began having strange dreams.

He would look to a pair of eyes, they looked full of despair. He knew someone was calling to him in that dream, but he just couldn’t remember what the name he was called was.

And then there was also that horrid sensation of falling. He felt like he was falling backwards from a very high point. Which made absolutely no sense since he also had acute acrophobia, so there was no fucking way he would go to any place he could fall from.

On top of all that, he had a creeping sensation of being watched. He felt like something… someone was lurking in the dark, watching him through his window. He used to sleep with the curtains open to be able to observe the moon and the stars from his bed when it was possible, since they weren’t visible every night. Now, the mere idea of that seemed unbearable.

He felt like he was being stalked or something. But he honestly couldn´t point out at any rational proof of it, maybe it was just his paranoia. This was really fucking up his mental balance.  
He knew he was on the verge of doubting what reality was. He felt like what he supposed a caged bird would feel. 

Adding to all that crap was the topic of his lame-ass emotions. He had watched his friends and orphanage mates feel with such an intensity he knew he wasn´t capable of.

He cared about things, he liked things, he just didn´t know how to LOVE something. He had never felt passion about anything for as long as he could remember.

For him, everything was nice, ok, all right. He knew nothing about jealousy or fury or even lust. His shrink and mentor, Dr. Lu Jianmin, told him that it was likely related to his memory loss. 

So he was, in a nutshell, a nutcase. He was about to declare himself fucking bonkers, but hey it could be worse. He could be dead.

He was musing about all the shit he had to deal with on a daily basis when he looked up to see the time. He would be late if he didn´t get ready soon.

He left his bed and took a shower. He dressed himself and styled his hair. He had a light breakfast and got out of his apartment.

He took the train to his work place. Dr. Lu had given him a recommendation to work at a counseling center, managing phone calls for people in need of immediate help. He was coursing this last year towards his Psychology degree so it was good practice. 

Since he was not that experienced with real emergencies, he was placed to manage recurring callers. Those who were already diagnosed and had proper mental care in place. Sometimes, this type of patient just needed some sort of reassurance. Life or death cases were not for him to manage just yet.

This week, he had to cover for someone who took his vacation time. His usual cases and frequent callers were given to him. He took his time reading through their files, to get familiar with their fears and phobias. He was nervous, of course, but he would try to give his best.

He entered the building and greeted everyone as always. His workmates were nice in general, polite and kind. There were some exceptions. But hey, some people are just too committed to being assholes. 

Arriving at his cubicle, he looked for his nametag and secured it on his shirt. He went to fill his mug with some coffee and sat, getting ready for today´s calls. 

His line indicator blipped. So he took a deep breath and got ready to answer. Using the most calming voice he was capable of producing, he answered.

“Counseling help, may I help you?”

At the other end of the line, an exasperated huff was produced.

“…”

“Can I help you?” He insisted.

“Where is Seoungjoo?” A very deep voice questioned.

A shiver went through his spine, but he tried to remain calm.

“Oh, he´s on vacation. He will be back next week.”

“I don´t have until next week.”

“I´m here to help you. Please, allow me.”

“Who are you?” The voice at the other end of the line asked, somewhat rudely.

“Oh yes! I´m sorry. My name is Xiao Zhan.”


	2. Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. Thanks for the kudos and comments! 
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Wrong by Depeche Mode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH2UB2uD-tA

Chapter 2. Wrong

Mornings were never his favorite part of the day, but even for his low standards, this morning definitively sucked.

Everything started with his parents hiring new staff without letting him know in advance. They knew he hated unexpected events. Just as he hated to be touched by people unknown to him.

The part that really sent his morning to the toilet was that girl touching him without his consent. She was cleaning his desk and accidentally touched him.

As soon as he had felt her hand touching his skin, he knew he was in trouble. His haphephobia kicked in full force, he felt his heart rate go through the roof, he started sweating profusely, felling hot, and at the same time, he felt chills. His skin tingled. He was, for lack of better words, a fucking mess.

He ran as fast as he could from her. But just to add to his frustration, he reached a door that led to the backyard of his house and, stopped dead in his tracks. The threshold of the door could not be crossed –his agoraphobia prevented it. 

He had always been like this: these paralyzing fears had kept him from leading a normal life. 

When he was younger, his mother noticed he was a unique child that didn´t like to be touched at all by strangers. Only she and his father could touch his skin. Not even his nannies were allowed.

He was born into a wealthy family so the pilgrimage to a long series of doctors started very early in his life. Being tested and prodded to no end left him hating those in the medical profession with a passion.

He had been thoroughly diagnosed by the age of seven. The only thing that they could never find out was the cause of his phobias. His panic attacks were legendary, so visits to parks or playgrounds were impossible.

School was simply unmanageable, so tutors were hired. His formal education was impeccable. He spoke seven languages, because he didn´t have much to do with his time.

His true passion was astronomy. He loved to watch stars and constellations. His father had given him a state-of-the-art electronic telescope, which was set up on their roof and he could watch the stars in his computer.

However, he couldn´t help feeling like a total failure. In theory, he had everything going for him. He had his youth, a prestigious family name, money, education and some people had said to him, he had the looks. 

When he was a child, he used to think that maybe he was a mutant. Something had to be very wrong with him. Perhaps some bad genes, or a chemical reaction gone wrong. Conceivably, the universe just fucking hated him.

Back to reality he had to think fast, the panic attack growing inside him would paralyze him completely in minutes. He reached for his cellphone. He needed to call Seoungjoo, his case worker in the counseling center.

Seoungjoo was the only person that resembled a friendly figure in his life, considering he knew about all his strengths and weaknesses. 

His psychiatrist, Dr. Lu suggested him to use phone counseling for urgent situations like this. His father bought him that cellphone just to call the center, because honestly, he didn´t have anybody else to call and he never left his home. 

He had the center´s number on speed dial, knew Seoungjoo´s extension number by heart. But once someone picked up everything went to shit… again.

That was definitely an unfamiliar voice. 

“Counseling help, may I help you?” The stranger asked. He needed Seoungjoo… now. He knew how to center him back and calm his anxiety.

“…” He huffed. Why were the stars so wrongly placed at his birth?

“Can I help you?” The stranger insisted.

“Where is Seoungjoo?”He finally found his voice.

“Oh, he´s on vacation. He will be back next week.” A soothing but unknown voice answered.

“I don´t have until next week” he replied, exasperated. This was ridiculous. 

“I´m here to help you. Please, allow me” the guy insisted, somewhat pleading. 

“Who are you?” He asked. He knew he was being rude, but he couldn´t help it.

“Oh yes! I´m sorry. My name is Xiao Zhan” the guy with the soothing voice answered.

“Mn” he replied.

“Can you tell me your name?” This guy… Xiao Zhan asked him.

“Wang Yi Bo.”


	3. Crawling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at wattpad for editing this. Thanks for your kudos and comments! Thanks for taking the time to read this. I´m humbled by your support.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Crawling by Linkin Park   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n6jN330vfU

Chapter 3. Crawling

Once Zhan heard the name of the person on the other end of the line, his mind raced against time. From the files that Seoungjoo had shared with him, this was a very especial case. Two paralyzing phobias to choose from, or maybe both of them acting at the same time.

He knew, this guy…Yi Bo didn´t have much time so he tried to inquire what had triggered the attack.

“Can you tell me what triggered this?” He asked.

Yi Bo´s breathing was becoming more labored as seconds passed. With a great effort he spoke.

“Touch…”

Mentally, Zhan felt panic rising inside him. Who in their right mind would touch someone with haphephobia? It was beyond him. But there was another problem, his own insecurities were threatening the whole situation.

This was not the moment to start doubting himself and yet that was exactly what was happening. His skin started tingling. He was sweating abundantly. His mind went blank suddenly while trying to help this guy.

He attempted to remember his notes from university classes about panic attacks and said.

“I´m here with you. This shall pass quickly,” he tried to reassure Yi Bo.

On the other end of the line, Bo was losing his shit. Who was this moron? Didn´t Seoungjoo tell him that the reassurance crap wouldn´t work for him?

“Do you have a soothing object?” He ventured.

“No…” Yi Bo sounded like he was about to pass out.

“Remember to breathe,” Zhan tried.

What the actual fuck? Yi Bo thought among uneven breaths. That was exactly his problem!

Yi Bo´s parents had hired many instructors that could teach him different breathing techniques, to no avail. It seemed that under distress, he just forgot how to breathe.

Zhan could hear that his attempts to help Yi Bo were useless. He was sure the other guy would faint any minute now.

He didn´t know what else to do. So he did the first thing that came to his fogged mind. He started humming a song. Which was not part of the standard protocol for this cases in the Counseling Center. 

His conscious mind didn´t register where or when he had heard that tune. In fact, he didn´t remember hearing it at all. But his gut told him humming it would help Yi Bo. So he did.

The soft melody reached Yi Bo´s ear and the moment his brain registered, he started calming down. His breathing became less shallow and this racing heart beat dropped slowly.

This was completely strange. When he was younger, his mother had tried to sooth him singing lullabies to him during his panic attacks, which never worked. Some forms of musical therapies were also tried in the past, they had failed to improve his condition.

What the hell?! Both thought at the same time. This was beyond weird. Seoungjoo had never tried music to calm Yi Bo due to his previously unsuccessful experiences. He generally used some keywords that were not of the generic type that were used in panic attacks.

Zhan had never even heard of that approach to calm someone as a proper clinical treatment in emergency cases. His instincts seemed to be right, but he didn´t understand the reason behind it.

He noticed Yi Bo´s breathing was back to normal so he asked.

“Are you ok?”

Zhan was really worried about Yi Bo. The feeling was beyond what he normally would feel about any patient.

“Mn,” was the answer he received.

Yi Bo felt...oddly calm. That was not a sensation he was used to.

“Have you… I mean… Has Seoungjoo ever…?” He didn´t even know how to formulate his question. But he wanted to know if this had previously worked for Yi Bo.  
“No,” was the laconic answer.

Because really, what could he tell him? It´s your voice or maybe that strangely calming song, or both.

“Then… someone else…” Zhan insisted, needing to know for some unknown reason.

“Never worked before.”

Only you could pull that off, Yi Bo thought, but why?

“I´m sorry…”Zhan began apologizing. He felt slightly embarrassed.

“What for?” Yi Bo asked, wondering why that voice, that song could pull him out so easily from his panic attack.

“I froze… I mean… that´s not standard procedure.” It was just my brain yelling inside my head to do something to help you, Zhan thought.

“Does it matter?” Yi Bo inquired. He didn´t mind. He just cared about the… peace this guy gave him.

“I guess not, if you´re really ok.” Because nothing else matters, Zhan was thinking.

“I am.” Thanks to you, he wanted to add but kept silent.

“I need to discuss what happened with my superior. Is that a problem for you?” Zhan asked Yi Bo.

“Not at all. I´m…intrigued,” was his response.

“Me too. This was…odd.”

“Yes, it was,” Yi Bo said. But it made me feel…complete.

“Who is your Psychiatrist?” Zhan asked.

“Dr. Lu,” Yi Bo answered.

“I´ll discuss this with him. He´ll probably call you back on this matter.”

“I´ll be waiting.” Although, I´d rather it be you calling me, though. Thought Yi Bo.

“Can I help you with anything else?” Zhan ask, reluctant to end the call.

“I don´t think so,” Yi Bo said. But suddenly he added.

“Thank you.” Feeling a strange unexplainable pull towards that voice, that man.

And he ended the call.


	4. Silver Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at wattpad for editing this. Thanks for reading this. Thanks for your comments and kudos.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Silver Moonlight by Within Temptation.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAQx4VPwwGs

Chapter 4. Silver Moonlight

Zhan stood in front of the door of Dr. Lu´s office, hesitant to knock on it. He was really trying to get a grip on how he really felt now. His shift at the Counseling Center finished an hour ago and he had been standing there for almost 45 minutes, full of doubts.

His brain was clearly saying that he basically had fucked up his intervention with his morning patient… Yi Bo. There was something about that man, about his name that intrigued him.

But, strangely enough he felt…good, light. He could almost say that he felt happy.

All that mixture of feelings had him really disoriented. He tried to center himself, took a deep breath and finally knocked that door.

“Come in,” Dr. Lu said in a distracted tone. 

“Good afternoon Dr. Lu,” Zhan said timidly.

“Hi Zhan, how are you? Is something the matter?” Dr. Lu sounded concerned due to Zhan´s facial expression. He seemed…lost.

“I need to talk to you about my job at the Counseling Center.”

“Please, go on,”Dr. Lu encouraged him.

“I… I took a call this morning. It was one of Seoungjoo´s regulars, Wang Yi Bo.”

“And?”

“I… I froze. I swear I had studied his file carefully. He has two concurring conditions, so I took extra care,” Zhan said looking truly mortified.

“What happened to him?” 

“It seems that someone touched him,” Zhan answered.

“Crap!” Dr. Lu said unapologetically.

“He was in the middle of a panic attack,” Zhan went on nervously. He had a rubber band in his wrist and kept playing with it.

“Were you able to help him?” Dr. Lu questioned, looking at Zhan through his glasses.

“That is…exactly the problem,” Zhan answered, unable to look at Dr. Lu directly.

“What do you mean?” Dr. Lu asked for clarification while adjusting his glasses on his nose bridge.

“My mind went blank, then I tried to use the standard procedure on him…” Zhan explained embarrassed.

“That´ll never work on Wang Yi Bo,” Dr. Lu interrupted him in a calming tone.

“I know that now, “Zhan said apologetically.

“What happened next?” Dr. Lu inquired encouraging. 

“I was getting desperate because he sounded like he was really in trouble,” Zhan answered, scared by the memory.

“Go on,”Dr. Lu encouraged him patiently.

“I hummed a tune to him,” Zhan murmured.

“Come again?” Dr. Lu asked dumbfounded.

“I… I hummed a song to him.”

“Did it work?”

“Um, yeah…

“Which song did you hum?”Dr. Lu inquired.

“I…I don´t really know. It came to my mind, but I don´t recall listening to it… ever,” Zhan said, but for some reason he felt like he was lying. He felt like that song had always been part of his life.

“Maybe it was a suppressed memory. One from your childhood.”

That explanation hadn´t occurred to Zhan. It sounded logical, but deep inside he felt it was not that simple.

“Could you please wait outside for a moment, Zhan? I need to check on Yi Bo,” Dr. Lu requested.

“Mn,”Zhan said nodding and stepped outside the office.

Zhan felt a little calmer now. Dr. Lu didn´t seem angry or extremely worried. Maybe he was trying to reassure him, Zhan thought. Dr. Lu had always been very kind and considerate to him. 

Suddenly, the door opened. Dr. Lu asked him to come in again. Sitting behind his desk, he looked at Zhan pensively.

“I just talked to Yi Bo, which is amazing, because it generally takes more of a day for him to recover from a panic attack,” Dr. Lu stated.

“How is he?” Zhan asked, really concerned.

“He sounded…fine, if I say so,” Dr. Lu seemed surprised.

“While talking to him,” Dr. Lu continued, “I had an idea.”

“What idea?” Zhan was curious.

“You know Zhan, the human mind is a mystery. Sometimes straightforward approaches don´t work,” Dr. Lu began.

“I´ve treated Wang Yi Bo for some years now. He is a complex case, just like you. Both of you have concurrent conditions, you are around the same age, so I think…” Dr. Lu paused for a moment.

“I think,” he continued, “maybe you can help each other.”

Zhan was in shock. How could they help each other? They hadn´t even met! Besides, Zhan was not a qualified therapist yet and, Yi Bo didn´t seem to be able to help anybody.

“Please, hear me out,” Dr. Lu started again, “he´s a very lonely young man, his phobias had kept him from leading a normal life. He doesn´t have friends. You´re a kind person, Zhan. But you´re also lonely and, don´t have many true friends either. I think you just have acquaintances. You did well calming him.”

Zhan wanted to protest, he had just fucked up! But Dr. Lu interrupted his rebuttal.

“I know it was…unorthodox, but it worked.”

Zhan stayed silent for a while, thinking. Dr. Lu´s words sounded logical, he didn´t have true friends, obviously no family. However, for the first time Zhan felt a connection with a human being. So maybe he could help Yi Bo while helping himself, even with non-conventional methods.

“What do you suggest?” Zhan asked.

“Why don´t we start getting you to meet each other?” Dr. Lu proposed.

“What do you mean?”

“We´re going to visit him tomorrow if you agree, of course,” Dr. Lu explained.

“Huh?” 

“I already talked to him,” finished Dr. Lu.

“Did he agree?” Zhan asked.

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“Ok, then,” he accepted.

“Perfect, please come to my office tomorrow at 10:00 am. We´ll go together.”

“I´ll be here,” Zhan said while standing up. He gave Dr. Lu a small bow and left.

Zhan´s thoughts were a mess after his conversation with Dr. Lu. He didn´t really know if he was scared or excited to meet Wang Yi Bo. There was something about that man that intrigued him without a rational explanation. 

He went home and followed his nightly routine. Everything seemed the same as usual and yet, everything felt different to him. Like his world´s gray shades changed to a full colored palette. He couldn´t put his perceptions in words.

That night he went to sleep remembering a deep voice in his ear. He woke up, at exactly the same time as every day for the past year. His recurrent dream had come again, but this time he could swear that the person that was calling out to him in his dream had the same voice as Wang Yi Bo.

Outside his window, a lone figure stood under the silver moonlight, watching Zhan. He was clearly displeased with Zhan´s dream.


	5. See Who I Am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is See Who I am by Within Temptation.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xHto4vAJ8o

Chapter 5. See Who I Am

The next day, Zhan was in front of the door of Dr.´s Lu office 10:00 am sharp. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans and button up. A denim jacket completed his outfit. His hair was styled as usual. Nothing in his appearance would betray how nervous he was.

He was about to knock on the door when Dr. Lu opened it. Both of them were startled.

“Oh! You´re here,” Dr. Lu said to him as a way of greeting.

“Yes, I just arrived, good morning,” Zhan replied, trying to look nonchalant.

“Perfect, let´s go,” Dr. Lu guided Zhan towards his car, parked outside.

They both hopped in and used the sound of the radio to cover the pregnant silence that fell upon them. This was not supposed to be important or big for Zhan, but he felt particularly restless. 

For Dr. Lu, this was important since Yi Bo´s father was the brother of his best friend in College. He had witnessed their struggle to help their only son. What intrigued Dr. Lu the most was that Yi Bo´s phobias didn´t appear to have an obvious source. There had not been an extraordinary event in his childhood. He had been tested for various developmental disorders and he just didn´t fit the criteria.

The fact that Zhan and Yi Bo were around the same age, both were his patients, and both had been crippled by inexplicable fears, was too much to be a coincidence. Maybe, they could help each other, at least in a social aspect since both of them were lonely young men.

They arrived at the Wang´s residence and Zhan was thoroughly impressed, just the driveway was very long. He was a simple man who had grown up in an orphanage as a ward of the State. At that moment of his life, he led a simple life. He could afford the rent for a single bedroom apartment. His place was really tiny, but it was more than enough for him.  
He couldn´t fathom a life of luxury, whereas Yi Bo seemed to have lived a pampered life. Zhan was concerned that this would make it more difficult for them to understand each other.

From what he understood about Dr. Lu´s idea, he and Yi Bo would have to become friends or something like that. But honestly, what did they have in common? It seemed there was nothing.

Zhan tried to keep his mind open. When the car stopped, he took a deep breath and climbed out with Dr. Lu. He followed him and entered the house, where the interior was even more luxurious than the outside.

An extremely beautiful woman was there to greet them. Dr. Lu and her seemed to be on friendly terms. After they finished catching up, Dr. Lu turned to introduce Zhan.  
“Madam Wang, please allow me to introduce my student, Mr. Xiao Zhan,” Dr. Lu said.

Zhan bowed to show respect and then he extended his hand. Madam Wang took his hand and said.

“Nice to meet you. Do you think you can help my son?”

Zhan felt completely out of place. He had not thought of a single thing he could do to help Wang Yi Bo, but Dr. Lu seemed confident that getting them to know each other could be beneficial for both of them.

“I honestly don´t know Ma´am,” he replied feeling embarrassed. “But Dr. Lu is sure I could be of help so, here I am.”

“Whatever you could do to help him, I´m very grateful,” Madam Wang was finishing her sentence, when Yi Bo reached the entrance hall.

“I don´t need any help mother,” Yi Bo said in a cold voice.

Zhan stood there surprised by that voice that he had heard just once and yet felt so familiar. He saw the young man in front of him, he seemed distressed and upset. Immediately he thought that if his presence in that house made Yi Bo upset, he would leave at once.

“Yi Bo!” Madam Wang interjected, “don´t be rude, where are your manners?”

“What? Are you here to watch the freak?!” Yi Bo said while looking Zhan in the eye, challenging him.

Zhan stood dumbfounded. What was this guy´s problem? He didn´t even know why he was there! Dr. Lu thought this could be a good thing, but he was obviously mistaken. Zhan frowned, showing he was not pleased with Yi Bo´s attitude. Dr. Lu intervened, trying to calm everyone else. 

“Please, every one, calm down. Madam Wang, I need to talk to you in private. I need to discuss my ideas with you. As for you Yi Bo,” he spoke looking at Bo, “allow me to introduce Xiao Zhan, the person that helped you on the phone line when you had your latest panic attack.”

Yi Bo was completely silent looking at the person in front of him. He had been the one? Then he realized he hadn´t heard his voice yet. He felt slightly embarrassed by his previous outburst, but honestly he just hated doctors, therapist and their likes. 

After he regained some of his composure, he looked at the man in front of him and said, “I´m Wang Yi Bo, nice to meet you.” He gave Zhan a slight nod that resembled a bow.  
“Likewise,” was Zhan´s response. He was already fed up with Yi Bo´s demeanor.

“I think,” Dr. Lu told Yi Bo, “you should show Zhan this house while I talk to your mother, try to get to know each other. We´ll talk later.” His tone didn´t leave room for discussion.  
Madam Wang and Dr. Lu went to the library to talk. Meanwhile, Zhan and Yi Bo stood silent in front of each other. Finally, Yi Bo broke the silence.

“Listen, I´m sorry about my attitude. I´m just too fucking tired of being observed, analyzed, researched on.” He gave Zhan an apologetic smile, “I assumed you were here for something like that.”

“I don´t know exactly why I´m here,” Zhan responded, still pissed. 

“Dr. Lu seem to think we could help each other, but honestly, I don´t see how,” he continued.

Any other day, Yi Bo´s apology would have been enough for Zhan to let the incident go, but today Zhan was not himself. He was feeling everything intensified. This was out of character for him.

“Your song…your voice… calmed me on the phone,” Yi Bo told him, “I’d like to know why.”

“Oh that! It might be because I´m also a freak and freaks understand each other,” Zhan stated somewhat angrily, ”I have absolutely no recollection of my first fourteen years and suffer from acute acrophobia, I also have no parents or relatives, so please go recite your tragic sonnet to someone else, preferably someone who gives a shit.”

Yi Bo smirked playfully. He liked this guy, really liked him. He didn´t treat him like he was made of glass and about to break any minute. He would say the truth to his face and, he didn´t seem to give a fuck about the fact that his parents were filthy rich.

He gave Zhan a once over and well… this man was beautiful. That didn´t hurt either. 

Yi Bo looked directly into Zhan´s eyes while a full smile blossomed on his face and he said: “I like you and your shitty attitude, let´s be friends.


	6. All I need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your votes and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is See All I need by Within Temptation.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK8_Sy6HTI4

Chapter 6. All I need

Defining moments in life come in different shapes and colors. For some, it´s graduation day and for others it´s a wedding day or the birth of their first child. For Wang Yi Bo it was the moment he almost fell on his ass.

After their rocky start, Zhan and Yi Bo were able to remain civil and actually talk to each other. Bo showed Zhan his home and they were able to talk about their interests in general. They found they had more in common than they initially had thought.

Zhan started visiting Yi Bo several days a week as part of Dr. Yu´s socialization program. It was awkward at first, but common interests prevented pregnant silences. 

One of their common passions was astronomy. Both of them loved to look at the sky at night to watch the stars and constellations. The seven sisters held special interest for both of them. Yi Bo showed Zhan his telescope system and he was truly impressed by it.

Their talks about astronomy consumed all their time together. Zhan was really interested in Electra, whereas Yi Bo was almost obsessed with Alcyone. Camaraderie started to grow from there as weeks passed. Zhan found it easier to talk to Yi Bo.

One day, when they were discussing Sirius, the brightest star visible in the Northern hemisphere, Yi Bo asked Zhan about his past.

“Can I ask you a question, Zhan?” Yi Bo started hesitantly. He had wanted to know more about Zhan for a while now.

“Sure,” Zhan responded, intrigued by Yi Bo´s tone. He knew Yi Bo was not a shy person in spite of all his challenges.

“Do you…? You really don´t remember anything before they found you?” Yi Bo asked.

“No, I don´t,” Zhan answered, “I know it sounds unbelievable. Sometimes, I wonder myself if that part of my life is real or some kind of nightmare.”

“Do you want to? I mean, do you really want to remember? What if something very bad had happened to you?” Yi Bo questioned Zhan. “Aren´t you afraid to know?”

“Sometimes I wish I was like anybody else. Just a normal guy with a common background, without any complications, but…”he stopped.

“But?” Yi Bo asked, extremely curious.

“But sometimes I want… no, I need to know who I really am, where I come from,” Zhan told Yi Bo. “I think… no, I feel there is something more about me, about my fears. I… I don´t know.”

“Has someone…? I mean… Have you ever remembered something about it?” Yi Bo continued. He was really interested. Zhan had never been that open about it before that day.

“Remember? No, I´ve never, but…” Zhan was not sure if he should tell Yi Bo about his strange dreams.

“Please, go on,” Yi Bo pleaded.

“Some things, some odd things started happening a year ago,” Zhan paused, unsure. “I started having these… dreams.”

“Dreams? What kind of dreams?” Yi Bo looked at Zhan expectant. Could that be related to the anxiety he started feeling around a year ago without an apparent cause on top of his pre-existing conditions? Yi Bo thought.

“I don´t remember those, just… the sensation of falling down, which for me is really horrible,” Zhan explained, grimacing. He wanted to change the topic as fast as he could.

“What about you?” he asked Yi Bo.

“What about me?” Yi Bo answered playfully. “I’m a person of no interest.”

“I seriously doubt it,” Zhan remarked. “What caused your phobias?”

“Ah Mr. Xiao, straight to the point, I like that.” Yi Bo smiled at Zhan.

“Would you like me to beat around the bush?” Zhan replied, trying to keep his tone light.

“Of course not, I wouldn´t have you any other way,” Yi Bo said turning serious. “They don´t know the cause, never have and I´m afraid, never will.”

“Do you want to know?” Zhan asked.

“Of fucking course. I need to…” he paused, “I need to know why so I can fix it… fix me.”

“Do you really need to…?” Zhan said quietly.

“What? Fix me? Of course! I want to get better,” Yi Bo felt a strange pull within his chest.

“I get that you want to get rid of your phobias, I also do,” Zhan stated, looking forlorn all of the sudden, “but I don´t think neither of us is really broken, we are just… a little unwell.”

“Whoa! Never took you for an optimist, Mr. Xiao,” Yi Bo joked.

“I need to be… we need to be…” Zhan said, looking Yi Bo in the eyes, “otherwise… what will be left for us?”

“Maybe oblivion…maybe nothing at all,” Yi Bo replied, turning serious, “maybe we are just the disposable elements of the Universe.”

“I refuse to be disposable,” Zhan stated. “I want my life to mean something… anything… for me or for someone else.”

“I don´t know if it counts as meaningful, but…I appreciate you keeping me company,” Yi Bo said, feeling suddenly nervous, “it means a lot to me.”

Zhan jerked his head to look at Yi Bo, he was surprised by Yi Bo´s admission. “You are welcome,” he said, smiling.

“Come on!” Yi Bo said, feeling self-conscious, “let´s go find something to eat. I´m hungry.”

Zhan eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing. He stood up and started following Yi Bo to the kitchen.

Arriving to the kitchen, Yi Bo went to the pantry and got bread and different toppings to prepare sandwiches. 

“Do you even know how to make a sandwich?” Zhan teased Yi Bo.

“But of course,” Yi Bo huffed indignantly, “I was planning to make one for you, but I see you have no faith in me.”

“I have faith in you… I just don´t believe in your culinary abilities,” Zhan kept on, “you don´t seem to be the domestic type.”

“Oh really? What type I am, according to you?” Yi Bo asked, looking at Zhan.

“I don´t know,” Zhan fake-guessed, ”the nerdy type, maybe?”

“Fuck you!” Yi Bo laughed. “I´ll show you. Do you want mustard?”

“Yes, please.”

Zhan observed as Yi Bo looked for a mustard jar in the pantry. His gaze went up, to the top shelf. It was too high for Yi Bo to reach it. Yi Bo searched for the small pliable ladder that was supposed to be in the kitchen. He finally found it and set it. He climbed it and when he was about to grab the mustard jar, he lost his balance and fell backwards.

Zhan was watching. At the moment he saw Yi Bo was about to fall, he reacted instinctively to reach him. It had been an unconscious reflex on his part. He reached Bo just in time to avoid the fall and grabbed him by the waist.

Time seemed to stop, Zhan regretted his actions almost immediately remembering Yi Bo´s haphephobia. Shit, he thought, bracing himself for Yi Bo´s panic attack. Trying to remember that song that had hummed to him, to no avail.

To his surprise, the panic attack never came. Instead, a stupefied Yi Bo looked at him with big eyes.

While Zhan was holding Yi Bo in his arms, Yi Bo reached a defining moment in his life and realized two things: first, Xiao Zhan could touch him without triggering a panic attack and, second, he was attracted to Zhan. Well, shit! He thought.


	7. Ever dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Ever Dream by Nightwish. If you ever have the chance to look for the live version of this song with Floor Jensen as singer, it sounds even better IMHO.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZUQ3xhmu_A

Chapter 7. Ever dream

Does this mean I´m gay? Was Yi Bo´s first rational thought after feeling Zhan´s touch on his body. Instead of that terrible suffocating sensation that came with panic attacks, he had felt a pleasant tingle. Zhan was already letting him go, scared of provoking a bad reaction from Bo.

“Oh God! I´m so sorry,” Zhan said, “it was a reflex… I didn’t mean it.” Was his heartfelt apology.

Yi Bo was equally surprised and confused. Something like this had never happened to him. Usually, any touch from a stranger would initiate a horrible reaction in his body and mind. Why? He wondered. Why is Zhan different? Except from his parents, anyone else would provoke a panic attack if they touched him. He had met Zhan recently and yet he didn´t trigger a panic attack when he touched Bo. Finally, he reacted.

“Don´t… don´t worry. I´m… okay… I guess,” Yi Bo told Zhan.

“Are you sure?” Zhan wanted reassurance. “I mean, you were supposed to…”

“I know…” Yi Bo replied, “this… I´ve never.” He didn’t even know how to put it into words.

“This is big,” Zhan stated, “and strange and …incredible.”

“We need to talk to Dr. Lu right now,” Zhan said reaching for his cellphone. 

Bo felt brave, hesitantly he reached for Zhan´s hand and held his wrist, closing his fingers around it very slowly, preventing him from making that phone call. “Please, don´t,” he pleaded, “they will come and they will want to do tests. I… just can´t.”

Zhan was really unsure, but he looked at Yi Bo´s pleading eyes and abandoned any idea of calling Dr. Lu. Rationally, he knew what he needed to do. He was, after all, about to become a Psychologist. But it seemed that when Yi Bo was involved, rationality didn´t apply any more.

He had been aware, for some time now, that his emotions were running rampant around Yi Bo. He had felt more emotions in the past few weeks, being with Yi Bo than ever in his entire life.

Zhan had felt a pull towards Yi Bo. He had tried to bury these…feelings deep down inside his mind or his heart, he didn´t even know anymore, but he was tired of lying to himself. And now this. What was the meaning of this? He wanted to know, for sure.

“Okay,” Zhan finally replied to Yi Bo´s request, “but you know that eventually we´ll have to tell him.”

“I know… just not yet, please,” Yi Bo said.

They seemed unaware of the fact that Yi Bo’s hand hadn’t left Zhan’s wrist. Once they realized of it, an awkward silence descended on them. Both of them were blushing and avoiding each other´s eyes.

“I think,” Yi Bo broke the silence, “that something´s going on.”

Zhan tried to lighten the mood and ventured: “No shit, Sherlock.”

That elicited a smile from Yi Bo. “Bite me,” was his response.

“Seriously, there´s more than meets the eye, Zhan,” Yi Bo said, “people don´t just get rid of their phobias that easily. I think…” Yi Bo paused and kept silent for a while. His eyes portraying a rapid succession of and emotions as he seemed to be in deep thought. An idea came to him. It was crazy and outrageous, but at the same time it seemed …exhilarating.

Would he dare? He asked himself. Would Zhan agree? It was time to find out. He asked Zhan: “Do you trust me?”

Zhan was surprised by Yi Bo´s question. He looked Yi Bo in the eye and nodded slightly. Without any other word, Yi Bo grabbed Zhan´s wrist again and pulled him to follow.  
Bo left the kitchen, dragging Zhan behind him. They went towards the main stairs, and climbed up. Yi Bo was very excited by his idea. He knew what they were about to do was crazy and… dangerous, but he felt thrilled anyway.

Zhan was just following Bo. At that moment he knew, he would follow Yi Bo anywhere, anytime, always. He never felt so connected to another human being like he was to Yibo. Even though their time together was not long, he felt like they know each other down to their souls. 

He surrendered his being to the feelings awakened by this beautiful man, it was as simple as that.

After climbing several flights of stairs, they reached a door that led to the roof. Outside that door, Yi Bo´s telescope system was installed. It was getting dark, almost dusk. Night shadows falling slowly and embracing the land. A star shower was supposed to occur tonight. They had plans to watch it.

However, they were not supposed to watch it from the roof of Yi Bo´s home. Crossing that door´s threshold would mean many things. That mere action would make them face some of their demons.

Zhan was acutely aware of the height of Yi Bo´s house and, they were currently at the very top. Behind that door there was open space, which would for sure trigger Yi Bo´s agoraphobia.

Yi Bo stopped and touched the door knob, prepared to open it. He said nothing, just looked at Zhan again, asking permission silently. What he was about to do could change their lives. It could make them or break them, since both of them could potentially die if they had a panic attack at the same time and people in this house don´t know to look for them there to get medical help. By the time they were found it might be too late. It was an impulsive and reckless move on their part.

But that was exactly the point Yi Bo was trying to make. He suspected that when they were together, none of the phobias had any effect on them and he wanted to prove it. Zhan closed his eyes, took a deep breath and nodded.

Yi Bo opened the door and grasped Zhan´s hand, intertwining their fingers. Both took a step at the same time and waited.

When nothing happened they jerked their heads at the same time to look at each other. Yi Bo had been right!

Zhan looked down at their joined hands. Self-consciously, he tried to free his hand from Yi Bo´s, but Yi Bo didn´t allow it. He was afraid that it was their skin contact that was keeping them calm.

“Let´s try…” Zhan proposed, implying they had to separate their hands.

“Okay.” Bo agreed and cautiously, he let go of Zhan´s hand.

They braced themselves for an impending panic attack but again, nothing. A small smile appeared on Zhan´s face, while a knowing smirk blossomed on Yi Bo´s.

“Whoa, I knew it!” Yi Bo broke the silence.

“How did you…? What?!” Zhan asked him.

“When you… touched me and nothing happened… I suspected,” Yi Bo stated, “that something like this could be possible.”

“Really? And you didn´t tell me?” Zhan asked.

“I thought… you would say it was not possible,” Yi Bo answered.

“I would have said it was crazy,” Zhan replied, “but somehow, it´s true.”

“I want to shout, I want to cry…I don´t know,” Yi Bo murmured, but Zhan heard it all, “I feel free.”

Zhan felt the same. He had never dreamt of watching a star shower from a roof, ever. Watching it with Yi Bo, added a special meaning to the experience.

“Would you do it with me?” Yi Bo asked, offering his hand to Zhan.

Zhan looked at Yi Bo´s hand and then at his face, confused. Yi Bo smiled at him and clarified, “chase the stars, let´s watch that star shower from here.”

Smirking a little, Zhan took the offered hand. “Maybe just this once,” he agreed.

They were standing close to each other, holding hands. Yi Bo´s face was approaching Zhan´s. Bo was about to kiss him; Zhan was aware and closed his eyes, savoring the moment before it even happened. 

Suddenly, as gust of wind rushed through them. It seemed like a huge bird had beaten its wings close to them. That broke the moment and interrupted their kiss to be.

They separated from each other and looked at the sky, searching for something, anything that could have caused that gust of wind. They found nothing. 

Unexpectedly, something caught their attention. A feather was slowly falling down. When it reached the roof, Zhan picket it up to examine it. He didn´t think any bird would have a feather like that. He showed it to Bo, who looked as puzzled as he felt. That feather was golden and sparkling. They shared a common thought. What the actual fuck?


	8. Wish I had an angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Wish I had an angel by Nightwish.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXo_Vu0Fyxw
> 
> Warning Please Read!  
> Things will take a turn towards weirdness. Please, bear with me for a while.

Chapter 8. Wish I had an Angel  
Zhan went back home in the midst of turmoil. After their reckless decision, and the falling of that strange feather he decided it was best to go home. Their actions were stupid and inexplicable and yet, he could not bring himself to regret them.

They had almost kissed and he had wanted it to happen…very much, but the moment was interrupted. That was a whole other theme, what exactly had happened? Zhan felt fearful and he didn´t know exactly why.

When he got home, he sent Yi Bo a text message letting him know he arrived home safe. He wasn´t sure what had happened with their phobias, but he had an underlying feeling that their phobias were still there. They only seemed to go latent when Bo and him were together. Why, he didn´t know.

He followed his nightly routine and went to sleep, tired and confused. He expected to wake up at 3:33 am as it had been happening for the last year, but at this point he didn´t even care why that was occurring. Zhan fell asleep quickly. 

Unbeknown to him, a strange statuesque figure stood outside his window, covered by shadows. It was a tall male, with pale skin which looked like porcelain under the moonlight. His long hair reached his waist, long blond tresses with coppery reflections. A straight and slim nose graced his beautiful face, he looked unearthly.

His plump lips forming a thin line, showing displeasure. His eyes were cold, in sync with the icy blue that colored them. He looked flawless. If anyone had laid their eyes on him, they would have thought that he was ready for a magazine´s cover photo-shoot or for a Renaissance painting where Michelangelo portrayed human beauty to perfection. 

He stood there watching Zhan, every night he came again and again. He had all the time in the world. He had existed before time was even a concept, before this Universe was created, he had lent a hand in that. Eons had passed and he was still chasing him.

He had wanted and needed him for a very long time. A mighty and powerful being like him was once reduced to a needy mess. He had lost everything for him and, in turn, he had made his beloved lose everything in the process. And yet, he hadn´t got what he really wanted. Ultimately, he wanted him.

There are books telling tales that are not real. He hadn´t fallen for human women, he had fallen for him.

When God had sent him and his brothers, the Watchers, the Grigori, he already had a plan to get him. His lust for the daughters of men was a fallacy. He had fallen in lust, but not with mere human women, he had fell in lust with him, his fellow angel.

But what can be expected? Human books were full of inaccuracies about many things, angels were just one of the many topics that were depicted incorrectly.

Angels´ lack of gender was a freaking joke. They had gender and of course the proper equipment. He was very much a male and the one he desired was also a male. 

The sudden appearance of that sanctimonious bastard wrecked his plans. How he hated him. His rival had escaped once, falling from heaven voluntarily to search for his beloved. This time, he would make sure to destroy his enemy, once and for all also enlisted his brother, Armaros, to bewitch his beloved and nothing had worked properly.

His brother had warned him to beware of having feelings; they could be either a curse or a blessing for any being. He had ignored his warning and paid accordingly.  
At last, he had sinned, he had been rebellious and finally he had fallen. But he regretted nothing. He was steadfast in his pursuit. He had waited eons and he would wait as long as needed, but he would get what he wanted. 

Tonight he was especially perturbed. He had lost control, but he couldn´t help it. He had seen them…together and he was enraged.

How could this happen? He had taken extreme measures to keep those two from finding each other. What were the odds? What had failed?

He needed to talk to Armaros, but he didn´t know where his brother was at the moment. He had to find him as soon as possible. He needed his help to break them apart again.  
When he saw they were about to kiss each other, he couldn´t let that happen. The only thing he came up with was to fly close to distract them. It was not in his best interest to let his presence be known to them. They might remember something, anything and, he of course didn´t want that.

He followed one of them -he would look into his dreams to find out if some other memory was triggered. He would make sure nothing came out of it. 

He needed to calm down. He needed to plan his next steps. He would prevail, he was sure of it. He opened his golden wings and flew towards the sky. He was, after all, Samyaza the leader of the Grigori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final notes: 
> 
> Just some context. Grigori means Watcher in Greek. It is the name given to fallen angels in the book of Enoch, which is not part of the Bible. They were supposed to fall in lust with the daughters of men, leaving heaven to have intercourse with them. They fathered children with human women. Those children are known as Nephilim. This happened before the great flood. Samyaza was one of their leaders, the fallen angels were around 200. Armaros was another fallen angel that taught men the arts of enchantments. In this story, all of this information is only use for entertainment purposes.


	9. Avalanche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners.
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your votes and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Avalanche by Cellar Darling.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9B6LuR_Le4&list=RDr9B6LuR_Le4&start_radio=1

Chapter 9. Avalanche

Samyaza was getting desperate. He could not sense Armaros and he needed to talk to him. How was it possible for those two to find each other again? That was supposed to be impossible! He paused to calm himself. He knew perfectly well that if Armaros didn´t want to be found, there was no way to find him. He closed his eyes, took a breath and started remembering how all this mess began.

He was once a loyal and faithful angel, completely committed to his mission and to the Lord. He was posted on Earth, as one of the Watchers, keeping an eye on humans. He didn´t feel the slightest amount of attraction towards them or anybody for that matter.

He still had his veil intact. Said veil was supposed to be a myth. Something whispered among angels, but at that point none of them was certain about its existence, or so he thought. Along with the veil rumor, there was another one. It was said that if an angel lost his veil, he or she could fall in love and experience human passion. He was sure Armaros already knew about it at that point but had said nothing.

Later, he learned that the veil was indeed a protection. It was some kind of energy that protected angels from their surroundings. The veil filtered their senses, so they could admire beauty without being attracted to it. It would make them perceive everything around them as the Lord perceived his own creation. Therefore, the veil kept them from distractions, so they would obey and complete their missions without hesitation.

It also kept their emotions in check. Although theoretically they had free will, the veil would make them want what they were supposed to desire, nothing else and nothing out of line.

He had been stationed on Earth for a while now. He noticed his brothers started being aware of the presence of human women. Some of them lusted after them. That was a great offence, he was confused. Why would they feel attracted to humans? 

Suddenly, he received new orders. He needed to visit Shamsiel, the guardian of Eden. He vaguely remembered seeing him once before, but not any other detail. He just knew that nowadays he called himself Wei Wuxian. Others called him the silver Angel because of his silver eyes and wings.

Wei Wuxian was in charge of the Eden´s entrance. His mission was to keep humans from re-entering Eden and he was very efficient doing that. He was a fierce and faithful angel, focused on his mission, or at least, that was his reputation.

Samyaza was ordered to visit and replace him for a while, taking his post. Wei Wuxian was supposed to depart to Heaven since he was needed there. Of course, Samyaza obeyed at once.

He reached Eden´s entrance and made his presence known. Wei Wuxian´s voice could be heard but he didn´t see him.

“Why are you here, brother?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“I was ordered to come and replace you,” Samyaza replied.

“Why?” Wei Wuxian questioned. “Am I not fulfilling my duty?”

“You´re needed up there. I don´t know anything else,” Samyaza answered curtly. It bothered him that Wei Wuxian dared to question heaven´s orders.

Finally, Wei Wuxian appeared and Samyaza´s breath was stolen. First it was the clothes. He had never seen an angel that chose to wear black robes, ever. But in this case, it did nothing to make him look anything but pure. Even in black robes, that being looked ethereal.

Then he looked at his eyes. The shinning silver orbs encased in long lashes that looked at him with curious indifference. The rest of his face was just as breathtaking. 

Samyaza was thinking about Wei Wuxian´s beauty when he realized that he was not supposed to notice said beauty. Every one of his brothers and sisters were beautiful without exception, but he had never taken notice of that. It was just natural. Then, why he couldn´t take his eyes off Wei Wuxian?

He realized that all his senses were enhanced. He smelled the flowers, heard the birds chirping around him, saw the brightness of sunlight and, wondered how Wei Wuxian´s lips tasted. An avalanche of sensations razed through him.

Shivers rippled along his skin. He longed to touch him, but he refrained from it. He became self-conscious of his own beauty. He knew that someone that could perceive beauty without a filter, would find him stunning, and yet, Wei Wuxian looked at him with the same interest someone looked at a frog that is jumping in their feet. He looked at Samyaza with mild curiosity and vague interest. Nothing more. It was evident that his veil was still in place.

“So…” Wei Wuxian started, “what´s your plan? You´ll just wait for my return or what?”

Samyaza took a long time to answer, trying to find his voice again. “Those are my orders.”

“Okay then,” Wei Wuxian explained, “don´t let any humans inside, take care of the animals and I´ll see you when I´m back, I guess.”

Without any other word he left. Just like that. He disappeared. Samyaza was sure of two things: First, he had just lost his veil and, second even if he still had his veil, Wei Wuxian was the most unique angel he had ever encountered. 

Something akin to molten metal ran through his veins. He knew then what humans felt, what his brothers started to experience. It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. A need to own Wei Wuxian, to possess him was also born inside him.

How could he make Wei Wuxian lose his veil? How could he make him fall in love with him? He would consult Armaros. He was so sure he knew what to do and how to do it. Meanwhile, he would wait in his new post, until Wei Wuxian returned.

If he were measuring time in human terms, Wei Wuxian returned twenty years later with new instructions, a new mission and company.

He still had that look of indifference in his eyes. His companion, however, did not. Harahel, the angel of wisdom traveled with him. He was also known as Lan Wangji, a golden eyed impassive angel.

Samyaza had to give it to him. He was almost fooled by his stone-like facial expression. An almost imperceptible twitch in his eye while Lan Wangji looked at Wei Wuxian gave him away.

Samyaza learned two new human emotions at that moment: jealousy and hate. Once he was replaced, he ran to find Armaros.


	10. A Dangerous Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners.
> 
> Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It´s just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing. 
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is A Dangerous Mind by Within Temptation.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYtsSYq4Vi4&list=RDMYtsSYq4Vi4&start_radio=1
> 
> Warning Please Read!
> 
> Still in a weird place. We´re totally moving on next chapter towards romance.

Chapter 10. A Dangerous Mind

Samyaza reached Armaros´ den in no time. They had been at the same post before. Armaros was a peculiar character. He was the most un-angelic angel Samyaza had ever met.

One of the things that distinguished Armaros was his pragmatism. He would never mingle with words, and he would always look after himself first and foremost.

Once Armaros looked at Samyaza´s face, he just knew what had happened to him.

“Hello brother, how are you?” Samyaza greeted Armaros.

Armaros squinted his eyes, stayed silent for a while and studied Samyaza´s whole stance carefully.

“So, when did you lose your veil brother?” he asked.

Samyaza was a little disconcerted, but after all this was Armaros, one of the angels that had magic and enchantments under his command.

“So you knew,” he accused.

“Of course. Who do you think I am?” Armaros asked. “I lost mine a long time ago.”

“You did?” Samyaza questioned, surprised.

“Oh Sammy, you´re still kind of innocent,” Armaros laughed.

“What else is true?” Samyaza questioned looking at Armaros with cold eyes.

“The love and passion thing, totally true.”

“I know,” Samyaza stated coldly.

“You do? Oh my God!” Armaros huffed, laughing.

“How…?” Samyaza started, thinking about how to ask Armaros the question burning in his mind. “Is it possible to cause the veil to fall?”

A sinister glint showed in Armaros´ eyes. He looked intrigued. Such an interesting question coming from Sammy. 

“Let´s suppose it can be done. Why are you asking, Sammy?”

“Let´s suppose I´m interested in…someone,”Samyaza answered vaguely.

“An angel, of course. Male or female?” Armaros asked shamelessly.

Samyaza hesitated. He had lost his veil and acquired shame along with other emotions. Still, this was too important for him to be deterred by anything.

“Male,” he finally answered.

Armaros was amused to no end. This was just hilarious. The great and mighty Samyaza was in lust with a male angel. 

“Okay, anything is doable, but…” Armaros paused.

“But?” Samyaza inquired, expectantly. He felt like Armaros was toying with him. He was not used to being the source of anyone´s amusement.

“There is a risk,” Armaros continued, “there is another legend.”

“What legend?” Samyaza wanted to know, exasperated. Was nothing certain in this Universe? Was every myth and legend true?

“My sources are a little…shady,” Armaros said, “but it seems that we were created in pairs.”

“And?” Samyaza was losing his patience.

“That means even if you cause the fall of an angel´s veil there is absolutely no guarantee that he or she will fall in love with you. He or she would fall in love with his intended one,” Armaros explained.

“That sounds like total bullshit, you know that, right?” Samyaza had finally emptied his patience reserve.

“I´m just telling you, brother. There is no guarantee. You could be doing the work, and others would benefit from it,” Armaros said very seriously.

Samyaza looked pensive. That idea caused him to feel a wave of nausea. How could humans live like this? He wondered. All these new emotions were almost unbearable for him.

“It´s a risk I´ll have to take, isn´t it?” Samyaza answered.

“Are you convinced?” Armaros asked, still doubtful.

“I am. I´ll do anything to get what I want. Anything.” Samyaza stated firmly.

“However…”Armaros left his sentence unfinished.

“Yes?” Samyaza knew the cost would be named now.

“It will have a…price,” Armaros said while looking at Samyaza with a calculating stare.

“Of course,” was Samyaza´s response.

“You see, my brother. I like it here. I don´t think I will be able to fit in heaven again,” was Armaros´ explanation.

“And this is related to me because…?” Samyaza inquired.

“I have some plans that require your help,” Armaros stated.

Samyaza smirked. “How can I be of assistance, brother?”

“I need you to gather a group of our kind and convince them that here on Earth we will have some advantages and that we can stay here…indefinitely,” Armaros told Samyaza.

“In other words…” Samyaza asked, full of doubts.

“I need you to command a little rebellion,” Armaros finally spoke.

“Are you asking me to go against the Lord?” Samyaza asked incredulously. 

“Exactly!” Armaros smiled.

“And what is in it for me?” Samyaza asked, eyes icy and uncaring.

“The fall of the veil of whoever it is that you want. Do we have a deal?” Armaros offered him his hand.

“We do, brother,” Samyaza took Armaros´hand, sealing their deal.

“By the way, who is it that you want?” Armaros questioned.

Samyaza smirked and said: “I want Wei Wuxian, the silver angel.”


	11. Amaranth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @JJSin2020 at wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Amaranth by Nightwish.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-B0zZUOAdg&list=RDT-B0zZUOAdg&start_radio=1
> 
> Warning Please Read!
> 
> This story is moving forward. Armaros and Samyaza will make occasional appearances since they still have roles to fulfill, but from this chapter our beloved couples would be the main protagonists. Thanks for staying with me.

Chapter 11. Amaranth

It was as if Lan Wangji was doomed to the curse of awareness since he was created. The fact that wisdom and knowledge were his mission sealed his fate. He was the keeper of Heaven´s library. All the knowledge that ever existed was kept there. He had all the time in the Universe, so he read.

He liked music so he learned to play many instruments, his favorite one was the guqin and he was a master on it. Music centered him in a way nothing else did.

He had learned about the veil long before his own fell. There were books about it. He knew what the falling of the veil implied, sense enhancement, and the possibility of feeling human emotions and love.

He was also aware of the existence of an intended partner for each and every angel. It was not necessarly true that if one of the pair lost their veil, the other one must lose it. It was not a rule. So if one of the pair had lost their veil and the other one kept it on, it was a long and lonely life for the veiless angel.

He still remembered the day he lost his veil, he had been attending his duties and after that, he was expected to attend choir. It was his turn for musical adoration to the Lord.  
Then he saw him, he was his intended. He knew it at once. Silver eyes, silver wings, black robes and a killer smile were his trademark characteristics. Right at the moment he saw Wei Wuxian, he fell in love. His intended, however, had his veil intact. So Lan Wangji kept silent.

He was not going to impose his love on anyone, much less on his intended. He resigned himself to an existence of loneliness. Even though he perceived anything with high intensity, he forced himself to act as if everything that surrounded him was dull, colorless, soundless, odorless. He started using a forehead ribbon to remind himself the need to be restrained.

He followed the rules and obeyed the Lord because he had chosen to do so, not because he was forced by the veil. He wasn´t sure the Lord noticed it, but to him it didn´t matter.  
Sometimes he felt really isolated from his fellow angels. He was like an amaranth flower in the middle of a snow covered valley, singled out and alone. Fighthing against his emotions everyday was exhausting.

It helped a little that Wei Wuxian was posted at Eden. He didn´t have to watch every day the indifferent look in his beloved´s eyes. That hurt a lot. But he had to endure. Free will existed for a reason, he was convinced of that.

From time to time, he surrendered to his pain and cried. Sorrowful tears fell down his cheeks, leaving a cold trail in their way.

A thousand human years had passed since he had lost his veil. He didn´t want to foster any hope in his heart. He refused to give in to his yearning for him. But one day he was summoned by his brother Michael. 

Surprisingly, his intended was already there. Michael ordered to accompany Wei Wuxian back to Eden and to make a record about everything that inhabited there.  
His heart made a summersault in his chest. He was going to be close to him. Even if he had decided to maintain his detached behavior, that was an unexpected gift. That would be enough for him.

He traveled with him without any expectations. He knew it was unlikely for Wei Wuxian losing his veil. He was one of the strongest, most loyal and, faithful angels he had ever met. Even if pride was a sin, Lan Wangji couldn´t avoid feeling proud in his heart everytime he looked at him. His intended was magnificent.

Once they arrived at Eden, he saw the angel that was substituting Wei Wuxian at his post. One look at Samyaza and he fell a chilling wave travel down his back. He noticed that Samyaza had already lost his veil and the way he looked at Wei Wuxian was anything but pure.

He was worried. Samyaza lusted after his beloved, and that was dangerous. He had to protect Wei Wuxian even if he didn´t know exactly how.

They went on, entered Eden and Lan Wangji started his work. Wei Wuxian mostly kept out of his way and didn´t disturb him at all. That was their normal pattern.

Except one day, it wasn´t like that anymore. Wei Wuxian became mischivious, hyperactive and talkative. He invented reasons to be around Lan Wangji. 

For the golden eyed angel it became pure torture. He was, if possible, more in love with Wei Wuxian than before. He suspected some kind of sorcery was involve in his beloved´s change.

He felt conflicted, he wanted to prevent Wei Wuxian´s veil from failing. But on the other hand, his traitor heart felt hope. It was a sin, but he dared to hope.

After thirteen human years had passed, Lan Wangji´s mission in Eden was almost finished. He was getting ready to return to heaven when he saw it. A fleeting glance from Wei Wuxian followed by a sudden blush.

His beloved looked at him differently, intently, and tenderly. A soft look in the eyes of Wei Wuxian emerged from time to time when he looked at him. It annihilated Lan Wangji´s resolve.

Nevertheless, he was worried. This meant that Wei Wuxian´s veil was slowly falling which was not natural. Someone was using some kind of magic and he suspected Samyaza was involved.

One day, Samyaza came back looking for Wei Wuxian. He tried to trick him to follow him to his camp on Earth. Wei Wuxian told Lan Wangji about it, and he tried to deter the silver angel.

“Please, don´t go,” was Lan Wangji´s initial reaction.

“Why not? Our brother says he wants to show me something marvelous. I don´t see a problem in that,” Wei Wuxian replied.

“You shouldn’t leave your post, it´s prohibited,” Lan Wangji said, eyes full of concern and unrest.

“You´re a rule follower, Lan Wangji. You should loosen up a little bit,” Wei Wuxian stated. “Besides, I´m just going to admire the Lord´s wonderful creation. What´s wrong with that?”

Lan Wangji had a really bad feeling about this. Samyaza was not to be trusted. He had something planned for Wei Wuxian, and it was nothing good. So the golden eyed angel got desperate. Unable to come up with a better idea, he grabbed Wei Wuxian´s wrist with his own hand.

Skin to skin contact finished what Armaros had started. They both felt like they were hit by a lighting. Heat and cold traveling together through their bodies. That was the exact moment Wei Wuxian´s veil finally fell completely.

Recognition showed in Wei Wuxian´s eyes. Gone was that indifferent look in his eyes. He knew then and there that Lan Wangji was his intended. No more explanations were needed for him.

“Lan Zhan,“ Wei Wuxian muttered. 

Since they had found each other, their true names were revealed. Such was a privilege reserved just for an angel´s intended one.

Lan Wangji fell his throat constrict. His Wei Wuxian, his beloved finally recognized him. Long human years of loneliness were worth it just for that instant in his existence. 

He looked at the silver eyes of his beloved and tenderly brushed his cheek with his thumb, caressing him with the softest touch.

“Wei Ying,” he whispered while the tiniest smile graced his face.


	12. Are you the one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners.
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Are you the one? by Sharon Del Adel and Timo Tolkki.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKYUI0ip_YE

Chapter 12. Are you the one?

“What…? Are you the one?” Wei Ying asked, still dumbfounded by the revelation that traveled through his body.

Lan Zhan didn´t answer immediately. He reflected on his own confusing thoughts. He was the one only if Wei Ying decided he was. It had never been a matter of his own choice. He carefully worded his response.

“I am, only if Wei Ying wants me to be,” he stated.

Wei Ying looked at him softly, a small smile playing in his mouth. Suddenly, he felt self-conscious. He tried to joke away his own shyness.

“You have a way with words, Lan Zhan. You have to warn me before saying things like that.”

“Mn.” 

“Could you…? I mean, do you know what happened?” Wei Ying was still confused.

“Your veil fell,” was Lan Zhan´s answer.

“What?! Does that thing even exist? I´ve heard rumors of course, but I doubted them. It didn´t seem… I don´t know… plausible, logical, real, all of the above?”

“It exists. You just lost it,” Lan Zhan stated in a matter of fact way.” His eyes never leaving Wei Ying´s face.

“How do you know about it?” Wei Ying was really curious at that point. 

“I´ve read it, and…” Lan Zhan paused. 

“You read about it? Where? When? How?” Wei Ying bombarded him with questions, unable to stop.

“You are aware I´m in charge of the library, I found a book about it a long time ago,” was Lan Zhan´s response.

“And you…do you… have it?” Wei Ying asked shyly. He suspected Lan Zhan didn´t have his veil in place, but was not sure. He was curious.

“I do not. I have been without my veil for some time,” Lan Zhan said without any visible emotion. He trembled imperceptibly remembering the moment he lost his veil, since it was the exact moment he saw Wei Ying for the first time.

“Some time?” Wei Ying questioned. He was dubious, somehow it sounded like a euphemism to him. He suspected Lan Zhan was really downplaying the whole situation.  
“If we were using human years, more than a thousand,” Lan Zhan clarified.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying gasped confirming his suspicions. “Have you read about the intended one?” He needed to know, it would mean Lan Zhan had been alone and aware of his intended for more than a thousand human years.

“Mn,” Lan Zhan said while nodding. He was unable to speak a full sentence at that moment. After a while, he proceeded to explain everything he knew about it to Wei Ying.  
Wei Ying stayed quiet for a long time. Lan Zhan was worried. He didn´t want Wei Ying to be disturbed by any of this. He was about to leave Wei Ying alone when he felt Wei Ying´s hand on his wrist, stopping him.

“Does it mean…we are intended to each other?” Wei Ying finally asked in a small and uncertain voice. 

Lan Zhan felt conflicted. He didn´t want Wei Ying to feel obligated to anything. He must chose freely, he thought.

“In theory,” Lan Zhan said, “but it´s not mandatory.” He looked into Wei Ying´s eyes. “We can choose,” he said, implying that Wei Ying could reject him at any time and he would accept his decision.

“Can we really?” Wei Ying inquired raising one eyebrow, “because for me it feels pretty much unavoidable.” He said, looking at Lan Zhan´s eyes with a new intensity. It seemed that Armaros´ work to make Wei Ying´s veil fall slowly had given Wei Ying the time to really look at Lan Zhan, and he liked what he saw.

Lan Zhan´s earlobe tips were red. Did it mean…? He didn´t want to hope, but the elation that unfolded within his chest could not be stopped. 

“What do you think, Lan Zhan? Can we really choose?” Wei Ying insisted looking at Lan Zhan expectantly.

Lan Zhan stayed silent for a while. Wei Ying started to feel disheartened. He felt his intended was rejecting him. Finally, Lan Zhan spoke.

“I chose Wei Ying a thousand years ago,” Lan Zhan stated with all the certainty in the world.

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Ying whispered. “What are we going to do? You have to go back to heaven. Can you…?” Wei Ying paused. “Can you…I don´t know…work slower…stay here for a little longer?”

“I´ll stay longer, if that is what Wei Ying wants,” Lan Zhan answered, a wave of emotion traveling through his body.

“But, do you want it?” Wei Ying questioned, looking at Lan Zhan uncertainly.

“I want it very much,” Lan Zhan responded firmly.

“I want to…get to know you better,” Wei Ying said shyly, eyes downcast.

“I feel the same,” Lan Zhan said.

And stay he did. He spent a long time listening to Wei Ying talk. He marveled at the astonished expression Wei Ying wore on his face every time he discovered a new color, shade, sound, smell or sensation.

Animals awed Wei Ying. He liked to play with them. He found rabbits especially lovely and liked to chase them and caress them a lot.

Sometimes Lan Zhan felt and unknown and unwanted emotion when Wei Ying caressed the bunnies. He wasn´t sure why his stomach tied in a knot when he saw Wei Ying doing it. He wanted to be touched by Wei Ying like that. He desired to feel Wei Ying´s touch on his skin, but he practiced restraint.

One day, Wei Ying looked particularly gloomy. It had been a year since Wei Ying´s veil had fallen. Lan Zhan´s heart was pained as he looked at his beloved being so sad. He wanted to know how to make Wei Ying feel better.

“Why is Wei Ying so sad?” Lan Zhan finally asked.

“I…I realized something, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying answered on the verge of tears. “One day you´ll have to go away from me and…” Wei Ying stopped.

“And?” Lan Zhan questioned, wanting for Wei Ying to continue.

“I…I don´t think I could bear being apart from you…I…I love you,” Wei Ying finally confessed eyes downcast, blushing fiercely.

Lan Zhan encircled him in his arms, feeling his heartbeat accelerate uncontrollably. His Wei Ying loved him! He had never imagined such happiness could be felt by anybody, much less him.

“I love Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan stated, his voice faltered a little. “I have loved Wei Ying for a long time and I will always love him.”

“Then, don´t go,” Wei Ying pleaded.

“We both have missions, my love,” Lan Zhan responded, his heart full of pain but also full of conviction.

“I can´t lose you,” Wei Ying murmured.

“You´ll never lose me. I am yours. Always,” Lan Zhan affirmed.

“At least…”Wei Ying started.

“What my love?” Lan Zhan inquired.

“Let me kiss you, once.” 

Wei Ying touched Lan Zhan´s lips with his own and Lan Zhan´s resolve to part from Wei Ying evaporated.


	13. Forbidden Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your votes and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Forbidden Love by Madonna, give it a chance. It fits this chapter.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWSDWgL_u94
> 
> Warning Please Read!
> 
> Smut fest ahead!
> 
> Explicit sexual content! (WangXian). If the idea of angels having gay sex bothers you, this is your cue to leave.

Chapter 13. Forbidden Love

Wei Ying´s kiss had been nothing but a butterfly touch on Lan Zhan´s lips, but it had been enough to set his body on fire. Lan Zhan was perplexed by the myriad of sensations that ran through his body. He felt like molten lava was running through his veins.

He looked at Wei Ying with dilated pupils, he felt like he was going to burst into flames any time now. He jerked back, getting away from Wei Ying and turning his back on him. He wanted to calm himself before looking at his beloved.

Wei Ying´s eyes opened in surprised by Lan Zhan´s reaction. He felt a little bit hurt due to what he interpreted as rejection.

“I´m sorry, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying apologized. “I didn´t want to bother you.”

Lan Zhan grimaced, his face turned from Wei Ying, breathing slowly and deeply, trying to calm himself. The internal battle between his body and his brain was fierce. He had waited more than a thousand human years for this, and now he was running away from it. 

“Wei Ying did nothing wrong, I…”Lan Zhan started, “I enjoyed Wei Ying´s kiss very much, but…” He stopped, unable to continue.

“What, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asked while touching Lan Zhan´s arm with both his hands, trying to look at his face.

The lightening sensation that traveled along Lan Zhan´s body, left him without air. This was too much!

He tried to get away, but Wei Ying´s grip on his arm was strong. He kept breathing deeply, his senses heightened.

“Forgive me, Wei Ying. It´s too much. I…” Lan Zhan tried to explain. “I´m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Wei Ying inquired, troubled by Lan Zhan´s reaction.

“I´m not myself right now. I can´t control my reactions,” was his pained answer.

“Your reactions?” Wei Ying kept questioning dumbfounded. Finally, his eyes shone with a light of understanding. He couldn´t confess to Lan Zhan before, but he had been feeling this sensation rippling through his body. A burning desire he didn´t dare to acknowledge, even to himself.

“Lan Zhan,” he finally ventured, a little bit breathless.

Lan Zhan perceived Wei Ying´s uncertain voice, a resemblance of a plea and fear mixed together.

“Wei Ying,“ he wanted to ask what he was feeling, to tell him what he was experiencing, but he refrained. He knew, but it would be a sin to give in.

“Can I?” Wei Ying started, caressing Lan Zhan´s lips with his index finger. “I want…” He felt Lan Zhan trembling under his touch. He kept his finger at the corner of Lan Zhan´s mouth.

“It would be a sin,” Lan Zhan said, feeling his conviction lessening.

“I…I don´t care,” Wei Ying confessed. “I want you, all of you.”

“Wei Ying, love is not a sin, but lust is,” Lan Zhan said. 

“How can this feeling be a sin?” Wei Ying inquired. “I want to love you with my body and soul, what´s wrong with that?”

“The Lord…” Lan Zhan tried to say, but was interrupted by Wei Ying.

“Gave us free will. I want you, please,” Wei Ying begged.

“It´s forbidden, my love,” Lan Zhan tried to reason with him. Truth to be told, he wanted it, as much as Wei Ying.

“I love you,” Wei Ying whispered, looking at Lan Zhan with eyes full of desire. 

Lan Zhan resolve vanished. He put his hands on Wei Ying´s waist, touching him lightly through his clothes. An electric current travel through both of them. In a whim, Lan Zhan captured Wei Ying´s finger with his mouth, sucking it lightly. Then, the golden eyed angel captured Wei Ying´s lips with his and let his tongue roam on them, then he sought entrance to his mouth.

The silver angel allowed Lan Zhan´s tongue entrance and intertwined his tongue with his in a convoluted dance for dominance. Lan Zhan nibbled his lower lip and Wei Wuxian let a soft moan escape his mouth.

Lan Zhan dragged his tongue along We Ying´s jawline and continued towards the crook of his neck. He bit the alabaster skin softly, sucking slightly. Wei Ying´s mind went blank. He couldn´t register a single thought, like he was just made of sensations. 

“Lan Zhan…please,” he implored. He wanted to feel much more, to be enveloped by Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan felt all his restraint gone. He had wanted, needed, desired Wei Ying for more than a thousand human years. Even for him, that was a long time of yearning. So he gave in to his passion and encircling Wei Ying´s waist with one of his arms, and placing the other one behind Wei Ying´s knees he picked him up.

He carried Wei Ying towards the river bank, where there was soft sand and lay him down delicately. Then, he got rid of his outer robe and put it on the floor for them to lay on.  
Wei Ying was desperate. He wanted to touch Lan Zhan, to feel him, kiss him, bite him, smell him, taste him, everything. He could not get enough of his beloved. He didn´t know exactly how they were going to proceed, so he asked Lan Zhan.

“My love…do you?” he paused, blushing. “Do you know…how?”

The tips of Lan Zhan´s earlobes reddened intensely, his blush extended towards his neck. Unable to look Wei Ying in the eye, he answered. “Mn…I´ve…there were some materials.”

“In Heaven?!” Wei Ying asked, he was more than astonished. 

“Well, It´s knowledge,” Lan Zhan deadpanned. Wei Ying burst into a laughing fit.

After that moment, both of them could relax a bit. Their fire was not extinguished. They looked into each other´s eyes and Wei Ying got on his knees and undid Lan Zhan´s inner robes. He got up and started kissing his beloved´s torso. When his mouth arrived at Lan Zhan´s nipples, he stopped and took especial care of them, kissing and biting, licking and pinching. 

Lan Zhan´s legs threatened to fail him. Wei Ying walking around him, inspecting him while caressing. Wanting to memorize everything about his body. He undid Lan Zhan´s hair, letting a cascade of long black tresses fall and taking the ribbon reminding of his restraint from him. He put Lan Zhan´s hair over his own shoulder to have complete access to his back. Biting his shoulders, and moving across the expanse of his skin. His wings were retracted, so his back muscles were on full display.

Wei Ying continued teasing, he slide his tongue towards Lan Zhan´s buttocks, biting them when he arrived. Lan Zhan shivered. He had managed to stay silent until then, but he let a groan escape from his mouth. Suddenly turning to face Wei Ying, who was still on his knees.

Then, Wei Ying faced Lan Zhan´s massive erection. He was rock hard, pre-cum dripping slightly from the head of his cock. Wei Ying´s mouth watered at the sight. Impulsively, he took Lan Zhan in his mouth, tasting his salty flavor. The heat in his loins made him aware of his own arousal.

The golden eyed angel threw his head back, moaning in a deep voice, which sent shivers down Wei Ying´s back. He continued his ministrations, swirling his tongue around the tip of Lan Zhan´s shaft.

It was too much for Lan Zhan, afraid of coming too soon, he grabbed Wei Ying´s head with one hand and his wrists with the other, making him stop.

“What…”Wei Ying started, somewhat confused. Was Lan Zhan not enjoying this?

“I´m going to finish too soon if Wei Ying keeps on,” Lan Zhan told him.

He carefully pulled Wei Ying to his feet making him stand in front of him and disrobed him. He let Wei Ying´s mane free, and ran his hand through his silky strands. Wei Ying retracted his wings. Taking his time, he caressed Wei Ying´s waist and let his hands slip to his hips, pulling him close. Wei Ying´s erection was exposed now. 

“Wei Ying,” he whispered in the other man´s ear. Then, he bit his earlobe. Getting close, their erections made contact, and both experienced a mind-blowing sensation.

“Ah! Lan Zhan, please. I want…” he tried to voice his need, but words abandoned him. His mind confused.

Lan Zhan took the initiative and encircled both their erections in his hand, pre-cum making it easy for him and started stroking them at the same time. Reaching their climax together, they both spilled their seed in Lan Zhan´s hand among moans and shouting each other names. Lan Zhan took his hand to his mouth to lick their cum from it. Wei Ying watched incredulously and gasped. “Lan Zhan!”

“I want to taste Wei Ying,” was Lan Zhan´s explanation as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

He grabbed Wei Ying by his buttocks and pulled him searching for his mouth at the same time. A soul searching kiss left them breathless after a while. Wei Ying tasted both of them in Lan Zhan´s mouth. With the need for each other renewed, soon they noticed they were hard again.

Wei Ying looked at Lan Zhan expectantly. The fire in his loin was far from quenched. He needed more. He felt his skin burning. He inquired. “Love, can we?...is there…want more,” he said panting, his breaths shallow and uneven. 

Lan Zhan looked at him, needy and breathless and let his instinct take over, guiding him through the fog of his desire. He reached for his discarded clothes and look for a vial. Once he found it, he took it and looked at Wei Ying uncertainly.

“Would you…lay with me, my love?” Lan Zhan asked, blushing.

“Yes, anything, whatever you want. I´m yours,” Wei Ying responded vehemently. 

He positioned himself over Lan Zhan´s outer robe and waited. Lan Zhan move his legs in a way that Wei Ying´s soles were on the floor and his knees were flexed. He spread his legs to accommodate him and opened the vial. 

Within the vial there was a slightly viscous oil. Lan Zhan coated his fingers with it. Wei Ying looked at him puzzled.

“Why are you doing that?” he asked.

“I don´t want Wei Ying to be in pain,“ Lan Zhan explained. 

“Why would I? I´ve never experienced physical pain,” Wei Ying stated.

“That was before your veil fell. Now you would,” Lan Zhan said.

Lan Zhan asked for permission silently. Wei Ying nodded, bracing himself for the intrusion. Lan Zhan introduced one finger very slowly, with special care. Wei Ying´s first impulse was to reject Lan Zhan´s finger. His muscles acting on their own accord. He breathed deeply and forced his body to relax. After that, it was easier for Lan Zhan to continue his preparation process.

A second finger was introduced, caressing Wei Ying´s insides. Delicately, Lan Zhan moved them in and out, while scissoring them to gradually stretch Wei Ying. In the process, Lan Zhan looked for a mystery spot. The books he had read talked about it. It was supposed to be found in the male body and it was said to be a great source of pleasure. 

He brushed something with his fingers and Wei Ying jerked surprised, his eyes looked unfocused and a low groan left his mouth. 

“Lan Zhan!” he exclaimed enraptured by Lan Zhan´s touch. He contorted unintentionally, when Lan Zhan hit that spot again, his mind fogged with pleasure.

Lan Zhan desire built up, he captured Wei Ying´s lips with his. He let his hands roam around Wei Ying´s skin, daring to caress him but also to grab and pinch. Wei Ying´s lips were swollen and red. He looked disheveled and ravished. He had become a quivering mess.

Unable to resist a moment longer, he aligned himself to Wei Ying´s entrance and asked for permission in silence. Wei Ying nodded, inviting him alluringly. 

Finally, he entered Wei Ying. A lonely tear rolled down Wei Ying´s cheek, leaving behind a shiny trail. Lan Zhan frowned, but Wei Ying tried to calm him.

“Just give me a moment, love,” he whispered. After a brief moment, he encouraged Lan Zhan. “Please… move.”

Lan Zhan obeyed, slowly at first, willing his hips to follow a sensuous rhythm. Once Wei Ying started twisting and moaning, begging Lan Zhan to go deeper and harder, he paced himself to move faster. 

He grabbed Wei Ying´s unattended cock, and started stroking it. Going faster on both fronts, they reached their orgasms together, calling each other´s name. At that exact moment, Lan Zhan unfolded his golden wings involuntarily. They looked majestic and shone blindingly. Unable to control himself, he elevated them slightly from the ground while his seed was still spilling inside Wei Ying. 

Coming to his senses, he gently returned their bodies to the ground, withdrew out of Wei Ying, and enveloped the two of them with his wings while telling him, “I love you.”


	14. A matter of feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is A matter of feeling by Duran Duran, give it a chance. It fits this chapter.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJmLzEtZTAg

Chapter 14. A matter of feeling

Yi Bo was restless. Zhan had sent him a text message letting him know he got home okay, but something undefined kept nagging him at the back of his mind.

He wasn´t an intuitive person by far. But somehow, he felt danger was lurking around them. He was worried sick for Zhan. He had felt uneasy since last night. Both of them were spooked by the strange feather that fell down from the sky and the gust of wind that preceded it.

Last night´s events were indeed the opening of a can of worms. He felt it in his bones. For someone who averted touching at any cost, this sensation on his skin was unsettling.  
He had gotten up earlier than usual, taking his usual shower and getting ready for his day. His Business Management tutor was supposed to be at his home at 10:00 am. By now, he knew Zhan´s schedule by heart. His friend was supposed to be at the counseling center at 9:00 am today. He watched the clock, it was already 9:30 am. He had time before his tutor arrived. He decided to call the counseling center and asked for Zhan, who was his caseworker for the time being anyway.

He didn´t want to call Zhan on his cellphone earlier, afraid of looking too anxious, besides when Zhan worked at the center, he always turned his cellphone off.

His call was connected, but it wasn´t Zhan´s voice that answered. He asked who they were and what had happened to Zhan. Politely but curtly, the woman informed that Zhan hadn´t shown up for work today. No more explanations were given to him. He thanked her and hung up. 

He tried Zhan´s cellphone with no success. Damn! What was happening? He had always had these feelings of inadequacy because of his phobias, but today he felt really crippled. He needed to go out and look for Zhan. He needed Zhan, dammit!

And just like that, it hit him. He was not just attracted to Zhan. There was more. An underlying feeling in his whole being. He was in love with him. Man! How the fuck did that happen?

What was he going to do? Last night he had felt the impulse to kiss Zhan. It seemed that Zhan wasn´t against it, but it didn´t happen. Now Yi Bo felt uncertain. Would Zhan feel the same? Was he attracted to men? Was he attracted to anybody? 

Zhan had talked to him about his problem with emotions. His mitigated feelings about everything. He barely felt something. He was taking therapy for that particular problem. Dr. Lu had even recommended he enroll in an art class as part of said therapy. Zhan had chosen painting. He had started a couple of weeks ago. He seemed to enjoy it. But taking an art class and letting someone enter your heart wasn´t the same. Not even close. 

Would Zhan feel something for him? He would feel awful if Zhan couldn´t, but he would not pressure him. It wasn´t Zhan´s fault after all. He just went and fell stupidly, madly in love with him.

But he had more pressing things to solve at the moment - like locating Zhan. He was tempted to ask their family´s driver to take him to Zhan´s home, since he knew the address. But he knew their driver would ask his mom, and it would be difficult to convince his mother to let him do that. She would be afraid of risking a panic attack.

She knew he was much better now, and that Zhan´s friendship had helped him to improve. However, he knew her well; she would never risk his wellbeing, not for Zhan or for anyone for that matter.

Getting really desperate, he tried to call Zhan´s cell phone again, almost praying for him to pick up. No answer. Meanwhile, his Business Management tutor arrived, but he excused himself arguing he felt sick. 

He called Zhan all morning, worried sick about his wellbeing. He swore, if he saw him again, he would talk to Zhan and confess his feelings. If Zhan rejected him so be it, he would plead to remain as friends at least.

Yi Bo knew Zhan well enough to know he wouldn´t deny him that. He had reached a decision and he would stand by it.

Finally, around noon, Zhan answered his phone. He sounded sleepy, which was strange itself since Zhan always woke up at 3:33 in the morning and had never been able to go back to sleep.

“Zhan! Thank God! Are you okay?” Yi Bo asked, desperation lacing his voice.

“Whooa…what?” Zhan sounded extremely confused.

“Are you okay,” Bo insisted. Something was off. “It´s past noon, Zhan. I´ve been trying to reach you all morning.”

He didn´t want to add he had been worried sick, or that he felt he was going to die if Zhan was not well. After a while, Zhan seemed to react.

“What do you mean past noon?” he asked confused. Then, looking at his clock he read 13:25 pm. Crap, what had happened to him? His problem had always been lack of sleep. He hadn´t overslept for more than a year!

“I´m okay, I guess. I really don´t know…I´m sorry for worrying you, Bo.”

Zhan still felt disoriented. He had been exhausted last night and went directly to bed, but he had also felt like something was oppressing his mind. Now that Zhan thought about, he had been feeling that way for a year now. Since he started waking up in the middle of the night. 

Yesterday, that…sensation went away. He didn´t know why or what exactly it was. But right now he didn´t care. Taking an inventory of his body, he felt light and rested. What exactly had happened yesterday?

Yi Bo was somewhat calmer, but still needed to see Zhan and talk to him face to face. It was a promise made in the midst of desperation, but a promise nonetheless, and he intended to keep it.

More terrified than he had ever felt, he addressed Zhan. “Can I?...Can I ask you a favor, Zhan?” He requested hesitantly.

Zhan´s thoughts were clearer now. He detected doubt in Bo´s voice and a note of fear Since Zhan knew Bo as a self-assured, confident man, he was curious as to why Bo sounded like that. If something worried him, it must be serious.

“Sure, Bo. Whatever you want.”

“Can you come and visit me, please?” Bo was almost pleading. He needed to see him. He needed to finish what was started yesterday. 

“Yes, give me an hour to shower and get changed. I also need to call the counseling center to explain my absence.”

“I´ll be waiting for you,” Bo said in a longing voice. 

For some strange reason, Zhan missed Bo at that moment. He got off bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. 

He made the necessary calls to the counseling center and got out of his home.

Bo was expectant at his home. This was it. He would confess to Zhan. He hoped against all odds that Zhan could feel something for him. That was it, just a matter of feeling.  
Zhan was distracted when he left his home. Walking towards Bo´s house, he bumped into a stranger. He tried to apologize, raising his head he started to say, “I´m so…”

The words died on his lips as he saw a breathtakingly handsome man, with icy blue eyes and long blond hair looking at him.


	15. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Home by Depeche Mode.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIvKZ_EX_xE

Chapter 15. Home

Zhan looked at the stranger and felt uneasy. Sure, that man was absolutely gorgeous, but he had a coldness that radiated from beneath. Zhan found him as beautiful as a painting or a sculpture. Lifeless, was the word that came to his mind. 

“I´m sorry,” Zhan tried again to apologize. The stranger looked at him unwaveringly, unnerving him. 

“No need. No harm done,” a deep voice replied. It seemed that man was trying to look through his inner thoughts.

“I really need to watch where I´m going,” Zhan muttered. He felt the need to run away from that man. A crazy thought assaulted him. What if the man tried to touch him? He knew he wasn´t being rational, but what he was feeling was like a primal fear.

“You seem to be in a hurry,” the stranger stated, still entirely focused on him, making Zhan uncomfortable. 

“Well, kind of…” Zhan grabbed the nape of his neck with one hand, embarrassed and nervous. 

“Where are you going?” the stranger asked, looking curious and interested, searching in Zhan´s eyes for an answer.

“I´m going to see my…” Zhan paused. He knew Bo and him were currently nothing but friends, and yet, he felt much more than that for Bo. “…friend,” he finished.  
“She seems to be important to you,” the stranger insisted inquisitively. 

“He is,” Zhan corrected, he was pensive. Yi Bo was very important to him. He had never felt so close to another human being, not the way he was to Bo. A cold glint appeared in the stranger´s eyes. He tried to change the subject.

“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sam,” he extended his hand towards Zhan.

Zhan looked at his face, and then at his hand. He shook his hand without much enthusiasm, the hairs in his nape raising. 

“Xiao Zhan, nice meeting you,” was all he said. “I really need to get going. A pleasure,” he stated while he started walking. He knew he was being rude, but he didn´t care. 

The stranger stood in the middle of the sidewalk for a while, looking at Zhan´s back disappear among the pedestrians crowding the street. Then, he retook his path and went away.

Zhan was mildly disturbed by that encounter. There was something about that guy that felt threatening. He was sure he had never met him before. Well at least during the timespan he had memories of.

He quickened his step and reached Bo´s home. As soon as he crossed the doorway, he looked at Yi Bo, who was standing there. He was expected. Bo had been waiting for him anxiously. Somehow, when Bo saw Zhan and verified he was well, he deflated. Part of it from relief, part from losing his confidence.

“Are you okay?” Yi Bo asked Zhan, rushing towards him down the hall.

“Yeah, “Zhan answered sheepishly. “I really don´t know what happened, but I finally could sleep.”

“Doesn´t matter,” Yi Bo interjected impatiently. “As long as you´re okay, nothing else is important,” Bo continued vehemently. Surrendering to his impulse, Bo hugged Zhan fiercely. He rested his head in the crook of Zhan´s neck, inhaling his scent.

Zhan lost himself in Bo´s embrace, closing his eyes, not questioning Bo. He let himself go and felt encased in a peaceful cocoon. Right at that moment, nothing could hurt him, there wasn’t any threat on them, no hidden danger lurking in the dark, nothing. Just Bo and him. 

Yi Bo felt like crying, Zhan was here, he was safe, and he was in his arms. Zhan belonged here, Yi Bo thought. Following an impulse, he lifted his head and looked into Zhan´s eyes. He didn´t know what to expect. What he could find in them. 

He looked at them as if those dark orbs held the key to the whole Universe. For him, that was true. What he found in those alluring eyes filled his heart with warm joy. He found emotion, tenderness, and yearning. All his fears and doubts disappeared. 

Unable to restrain himself anymore, Yi Bo shortened the distance between them, tilting his head, aiming for Zhan´s lips. The lips on lips sensation sent an electrifying commotion through their bodies. 

A feeling of completeness filled both of them. So, this was how you are supposed to feel when you are happy? Bo thought. 

After the first contact of their mouths, Zhan closed his eyes. This was too much. He had never in his life –since he remembered his life anyway- felt that way. 

He had known he felt something for Yi Bo, now he understood he loved him. Zhan kept his eyes closed, overwhelmed. It was like discovering a new Universe within himself. He was a new man, he could never go back to that unfeeling being he was before, ever.

Yi Bo stood, still holding him in his arms. He felt Zhan tense and saw him closing his eyes. For a moment, he felt defeated. This surely meant Zhan was trying to find a way to reject him.

He wasn´t prepared for the sudden assault to his lips. Zhan was kissing him, hesitantly at first. Then, he seemed to gain confidence and he actively sought entrance to his mouth. Yi Bo allowed him, holding him closer, tighter. 

A throat clearing sound broke their reverie. Yi Bo´s mom chose that moment to appear to greet Zhan. 

“Hello Zhan, how are you?” she greeted him, smiling.

“Hello aunty,” he bowed to her, his face flushed red.

Yi Bo was the same, he looked totally flustered and red. His mother addressed him.

“Yi Bo, why don´t you take Zhan to gaze at the stars?” She suggested. A barely contained smirk on her face.

“Mom, it´s three in the afternoon,” Yi Bo responded to that incredible suggestion.

“Oh, I know dear,” his mother deadpanned and left them alone. “You´re staying for dinner, right Zhan?” she remarked on her way out. 

Zhan really wished the ground would open and swallow him right there. He was terribly embarrassed. He had his tongue inside Yi Bo´s mouth when Bo´s mother interrupted them.

A shy smile graced Yi Bo´s face as he took Zhan´s hand in his. Pulling Zhan closer, he gave him a quick peck on the mouth and told him, “let´s go to my room, we need to talk.”  
They rushed to Yi Bo´s room and once the door was finally closed Yi Bo looked at Zhan and confessed, “I love you,” he said breathlessly. “Do you… do you feel anything for me?” he asked. He had never been so afraid in his life like he was about Zhan´s answer.

Zhan looked surprised. His heart beating madly in his chest. He looked at Bo earnestly before answering.

“I love you too, Bo, “Zhan finally said. “I think I have for a while, but I…you know I have problems with my emotions. I…”he paused. “I didn´t recognize this feeling, sorry.” 

“Does it mean...? We´re together now, right?” Bo asked, slightly insecure.

“Yeah,” Zhan smiled shyly. “If you want it.”

“Of course I do.”

Bo was going to kiss him again, when unexpectedly Zhan remember his encounter with that strange man. He didn´t know why, but something inside him told him Bo needed to know.

“Bo, something really weird happened while I was coming here,” Zhan started, and told Bo everything about that strange man.

Once he finished his story, he let himself be enveloped in Bo´s embrace, basking in a warm feeling. He had never felt this way, like he was finally home.

-o-

Meanwhile, a beautiful blond man with blue eyes finally found the person he had been looking for.

“Armaros, where have you been? I´ve been trying to reach you. It´s been almost impossible,” Samyaza claimed angrily.

“Have you ever heard about cellphones, Sammy?” Armaros retorted. “Do you even own one of those?” he talked to him like he was a three year-old.

“We need to talk,” Samyaza ignored him blatantly.

“Of course we do,” was Armaros response, smirking knowingly.


	16. Slow, Love, Slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Slow, Love, Slow by Nightwish  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6l4H689FtM

Chapter 16. Slow, Love, Slow

Zhan took a deep breath. Focus Zhan! was what he was thinking. He needed to finish Bo´s birthday present on time. He hoped Bo liked this. Being on a tight budget wasn´t really helping him to choose what to give his boyfriend as a gift, but his less than pure thoughts about Yi Bo wouldn´t give him some respite. 

Trying to be creative, he decided to paint Bo. He took a picture of him gazing at the stars, looking marveled and enraptured. His expression fascinated Zhan and he decided to make a portrait of Bo. An excellent idea, in theory, if he wasn´t fantasizing about the many uses of his boyfriend´s luscious lips.

His boyfriend, he still couldn´t believe it. After that surprising but more than welcomed confession, Zhan had experienced the happiest time in his life. It was not just Bo´s love, it was also a sense of belonging. Like he was finally in the place he was supposed to be. He could hardly believe three months had already gone by.

After a short period of time of sleeping better at night, his old fucked-up nightly-pattern reappeared. He was waking up at 3:33 am. Bo didn´t like that at all. Zhan knew he worried, but he wasn´t going to lie to Bo just to keep him calm. They swore to tell everything to each other, not to keep any secrets between them.

They were in this awkward but happy phase, after their first tentative kisses shared the day Yi Bo confessed to Zhan, they made the point of kissing every day. They wanted to find out if Bo´s aversion to being touched was decreasing and if Zhan´s apparent desensitization to any emotion was still present or not.

There had been another underlying issue. They didn´t know if any of them had erotophobia, and that of course could present a problem. But their everyday approach, lingering touches and make out sessions slowly revealed that no, none of them had erotophobia, so that problem was out of the way. 

Surprisingly, Madam Yang, Bo´s mother was the biggest supporter of their relationship. She invited Zhan to their home at every opportunity. She told Zhan the she had been so afraid of Bo living alone the rest of his life, without a partner, that she was just ecstatic Bo had found Zhan.

She made a point of always giving them privacy, making sure that no one dared to interrupt them when they were alone in Yi Bo´s room. Of course, both being hot-blooded young males, things… progressed. 

Sloppy blowjobs and hesitant hand jobs were more and more frequent, both of them had been, after all, completely inexperienced. But the hunger was there, barely controlled, waiting, wanting to emerge. Both of them so willing to take the next step in their relationship, but reluctant to do so under Bo´s family roof. 

In fact, it had been Bo´s mom who came up with this brilliant idea, they would go out alone on Bo´s birthday as a celebration. They had ventured outside before with company. Even Dr. Lu had accompanied them in their first outings to a nearby park and even a leisure stroll around the block, in case something went wrong. 

It looked like Yi Bo could manage his agoraphobia if Zhan was with him, his hand firmly holding Zhan´s which proved that his haphephobia was also receding when he was with his boyfriend. When Madam Wang was entirely convinced that it was highly unlikely for a panic attack to occur, she was the one that suggested they should go alone. 

Oh how they had enjoyed their newly found freedom. They had tried to keep everything PG in public, but they hadn´t always succeeded. Bo was like a drug to Zhan. He was addicted to his taste, to his smell, to his complete being. So the prospective of full privacy with his boyfriend, was taking a number on Zhan´s blood. He just felt it was boiling with lust. 

Trying to control his thoughts and his fucking hormones while painting was exhausting. But he really needed to finish his gift. After all, Bo´s birthday was in two days.  
Pulling an all-nighter he finished on time, the painting was done. However, a strange uneasiness invaded exactly at 3:33 am again. He was puzzled wanting to know the cause of it. 

Once the paint was fully dry on the canvass, he covered the portrait with a piece of fabric, wanting to surprise Bo on his birthday. For some odd reason, he felt it was also his birthday. He couldn´t explain why, and he was fully aware that he might never know his birth date but he had that peculiar feeling.

Bo´s birthday finally arrived and Zhan would lie if he said he wasn´t nervous. Anticipation was eating him alive. The mere thought of having Yi Bo in his arms, or to be held by him made him burn. He arrived at Bo´s home just before lunch time holding a basket with food and a bouquet of red roses, he was jittery as fuck.

As soon as the door was opened, he found himself with a handful of Yi Bo hugging him. Madam Wang looked at them from the foyer completely amused, with a knowing smirk on her face. 

“Bo, let Zhan breathe, you´re almost choking him,” she said. Yi Bo blushed a little and loosened his hold on Zhan, just enough to let him put his basket on the ground and presenting him with the roses bouquet. 

“Happy birthday,” Zhan finally stated. He looked into Bo´s eyes and knew he was so in love with this man that he found it difficult to breathe. His own emotions surfacing in full force, like never before.

“Thank you,” was Bo´s response. 

“Give me those flowers, Bo. I´ll put them in your room,” Bo´s mom intervened. “Go ahead, I know you have plans, but before you go, Happy birthday son,” she hugged Yi Bo and gave him a small gift bag. 

“Please, open it in private,” she said to a very confused looking Bo. “If you´re running late, call me to send the driver for you. If you need me, I´ll go with him.”  
Zhan took his food basked in one hand and Bo´s own hand in the other, and they left. 

“I see that you have plans,” Bo teased him.

“Yes, I plan to pamper you until you agree to let me have my wicked way with you,” Zhan joked.

Bo´s gaze turned serious and brazen as he told Zhan, “you don´t need to pamper me. What I want the most is you having your wicked way with me.”

Zhan´s legs almost failed him at the low and deep sound of Yi Bo´s voice. Zhan kissed, nibbling his lower lip and promising him, “Later, love. I cooked something for you. Let´s have a little picnic.”

They went to a park near Zhan´s apartment and ate sitting on picnic blanket Zhan brought. From time to time, Bo would reach to Zhan´s hand, looking for reassurance. After all, they were out in the open, something that Bo had never even dreamt about in the past.

After they finished Zhan caught Bo looking at him intensely and felt his body ignite with passion. He was getting close to Bo to kiss him when a ball rolled in their direction. A group of children went to retrieve it and Zhan knew it was time to go.

“Help me pack, please. We need to go,” Zhan said to Bo. Yi Bo nodded and hurried up. Zhan stood up and offered his hand to help Bo. He took it and shivered when a current of electricity traveled his body up and down. 

Hand in hand, they reached Zhan´s apartment. Zhan was nervous, his apartment was very small and simply furnished. Just Bo´s room was at least three times larger than his place. As soon as they entered, Bo seemed marveled since Zhan´s art projects were in display. A covered painting attracted his attention.

“What is it?” He asked Zhan, looking in the direction of the covered painting.

“One of your presents,” Zhan answered shyly. 

“Can I?” Bo inquired, looking at Zhan expectantly.

“Of course, it´s yours.”

Yi Bo approached the painting and unveiled it. He stood there rooted to the ground, unable to move or speak, marveled at what was in front of him. It was him looking at the seven sisters in the sky. He knew Zhan was very talented, but this…went beyond his imagination.

“How? When?” He tried to articulate, not producing a complete question. 

“I…I took a picture of you one of the nights we were watching the stars, and…” Zhan paused. “I couldn´t resist, I had to paint you, I hope…” Zhan was interrupted by Yi Bo´s lips on his own. 

The kiss started as a tender one, almost chaste. Soon enough, it transformed into something raw, and nearly savage. Zhan unleashed his ill contained passion and let it flow.  
A possessive trait he didn´t know he had took over him. All of the sudden the need to own and be owned engulfed him. Gasping for air, he let go of Yi Bo´s mouth for a moment and told him.

“Do you want to open your other present?” he asked panting. His body betraying him and showing his primal need. Bo didn´t say a word, just nodded. He was unable to produce any form of speech.

Then Zhan started unbuttoning his shirt. Yi Bo grabbed his hands, interrupting him.

“My present,” he panted, “is for me to open.” And continued undressing Zhan. Yi Bo´s hands roamed free along Zhan´s skin expanse. Zhan let him do as he pleased. Tentatively, Bo placed a kiss behind Zhan´s ear and whispered.

“Let´s pretend today is also your birthday,” Yi Bo suggested. Zhan got the message and began removing Bo´s clothes. Very slowly, leaving a trail of touches and caresses, he helped Bo out of his clothes. 

Bo stood there, enveloped in a cloud of new sensations that drove his senses to overload. Zhan used his tongue and lips, leaving a wet pathway as he moved across Yi Bo´s back. Moving around Bo, he reached his nipples pinching them softly, then he nibbled them alternatively with his mouth while his hands kept busy caressing the small of Yi Bo´s back sliding tenderly until they cupped Bo´s ass while the assault to his nipples went on. 

Lazily, Zhan´s mouth descended to Yi Bo´s abs, biting softly while his exploration continued. His hands found home in Bo´s buttocks and stayed there, uncertainly looking for Yi Bo´s entrance.

Zhan´s tongue went further down and found Bo´s cock fully erected and dripping pre-cum. Without a warning, he took Bo in his mouth. He looked up, searching Bo´s eyes and looking for permission.

Bo´s consciousness had apparently left him, and just a bundle of flesh filled with sensations stayed behind. Zhan took his time worshiping Bo´s member. Sucking and twirling, kissing and caressing with endless patience. He didn´t aim to get Bo off, he was just teasing him wickedly. 

The sounds that came from Bo´s mouth were sinful and scandalous. The sound of paradise if Zhan were asked. Bo was being reduced to a quivering mess and he loved every second of it. 

Unable to control himself anymore, Yi Bo came in Zhan´s mouth filling it with his cum. Zhan sucked him thoroughly, leaving him dry. 

Coming to their senses for a minute, Zhan stood up. His hands rooted on Bo´s ass. Gently, he guided Bo to his bed and laid him down. Quickly, he rummaged in his nightstand drawer finally finding condoms and lube. 

His eyes looked into Bo´s with uncertainty, asking for permission. Without words, Yi Bo agreed. At that moment, he would have said yes to anything Zhan requested. He needed Zhan, his body demanded to be filled, to be possessed, and Zhan was more than willing to oblige. 

Leisurely, Zhan coated his fingers abundantly with lube, then started stretching Bo. His first fingers performed a long and slow motion in and out Bo´s rim. Just one at first, then two and three. Zhan had previously been an illiterate on pleasure matters, but he researched thoroughly on the subject. He went as far as practicing with himself so he knew what to look for inside Yi Bo.

Unexpectedly, he curved his fingers slightly, finding what he was looking for. The unforeseen surcharge of sensations almost caused Yi Bo to pass out. Zhan continued stretching and stimulating Bo until he deemed him ready.

Zhan´s hard-on had been neglected from the beginning, his complete attention focused on Bo´s pleasure, now it was almost painful. With care, he rolled the condom and coated his length with lube. 

Instinctually, Bo spread his legs granting access to Zhan. Aligning himself, Zhan looked at him, requesting consent. Bo nodded eagerly. Gently he penetrated Bo, stilling himself to wait for Bo to adjust. 

The burning sensation in his insides was overcome by the intoxicating notion of being owned. Being possessed by Zhan made him immensely happy –Bo belonged to him.  
Looking at Bo´s face, Zhan decided to start moving with a lazy rhythm at first. A pool of molten lava nestled in his loins, ready to explode. He calmed himself, willing his body to endure a little more. This time was about Bo, not him so he tried to delay his orgasm and got lost in Bo´s continuous moaning. 

Calling for him, Bo tried to reach his own cock. He was stopped by Zhan´s hand, he took over stroking Bo´s length steadily. 

When their climax arrived, they reached it together, in perfect synchrony. Mumbling each other´s names. Incapable of any sensible thought, Zhan collapsed on top of Yi Bo panting, while his cock was still shooting cum inside his lover. 

Unable to stop he smiled at Bo embracing him while telling him, “I love you.”

In the aftermath, when both of them recovered and were able to form some sort of coherent thoughts, Yi Bo opened his mother´s last minute present. It turned out the bag was filled with lube and condoms.  
\---0---  
Outside of Zhan´s window a tall figure looked angrily at the stars. Totally enraged, Samyaza was plotting his next move, while his memories transported him back to the past again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It´s been a while. I lost a friend to COVID19 and it hit me hard. I just couldn´t write. I´m better now, so hopefuly I´ll be updating more frequently.


	17. Ghost Love Score

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 at Wattpad for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Ghost Love Score by Nightwish. This is a long song, more like a movie music score, but very beautiful IMHO.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9WXv7-RNRA
> 
> Warnings
> 
> Semi explicit XianWang ahead.

Chapter 17. Ghost Love Score

Even perfect beings, as angels were supposed to be, had their own flaws. One of them was a sense of superiority instilled in their minds. Every one of them felt he or she was superior to other beings, their brothers and sisters included. That was one of the reasons why Shamsiel or Wei Wuxian, as he was widely known, was frequently underestimated.

He had been the guardian of Eden for so long, that many of his brothers and sisters forgot that he had been a warrior of Heaven long before the Creation took place. The fact that he had been on Earth for such a long time made them forget he had been one of the closest friends of Michael, the chief prince of heavenly beings. They also tended to forget he also practiced white magic to a low extent.

They didn´t need to know, besides the boundaries created by the Lord to protect Eden, Wei Wuxian also used talismans to set up both a protection and an alert system for Eden. He really took his job seriously. Nobody, from heaven or Earth could set foot inside Eden without him knowing it.

So when he received an alert of an intrusion attempt he was surprised and worried at the same time. In general, Michael would almost always inform him beforehand if someone from heaven was going to visit him, even if it was just to relay a message from Michael himself. One exception had been his brother Samyeza´s arrival to stay in his post while he traveled to heaven. But this event had not been the case, it didn´t come from heaven. 

Someone had tried to intrude, this was not acceptable. He had meant to investigate on that matter when a message, from Heaven this time, arrived. Lan Wangji was needed back there. He had to finish his mission in Eden and depart as soon as possible. Wei Wuxian heart ached deeply once he learned the news. 

Lan Wangji had spent almost a year in Eden after Wei Wuxian´s veil fell, he knew deep down that his absence was noticed in Heaven. He was just waiting to be summoned back. The despair that idea caused in his heart was almost unbearable. He didn´t know what he would do, what they would do if he went back to heaven leaving Wei Wuxian behind. He could not part from him, he just couldn´t.

Just one look at Wei Ying´s face told him everything he needed to know; the summons had arrived. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said his name while holding his hands.

“You have been summoned, my love,” Wei Ying told him, in a voice entangled with pain.

“I know,” Lan Zhan responded, pulling Wei Ying´s hands towards his lips and kissing them.

“What are we going to do?” Wei Ying´s despair showed on his face.

“I…I have to go back…the Lord,“ he couldn´t finish the sentence. 

“No, I don´t want to be apart from you!” Wei Ying protested.

“I don´t want to leave either Wei Ying, but we must…” he was on the verge of tears. 

“Then don´t,” Wei Ying pleaded. ”I´ll talk to Michael.”

“You know we don´t have a valid reason,” Lan Zhan replied.

“Then, I´ll go with you,” Wei Ying stated.

“Will you leave your post?” Lan Zhan asked horrified. That was an act of disobedience, Wei Ying would be severely punished.

Wei Ying´s face fell. He knew he could not do such a thing without consequences. He felt so much pain, that he wished to die. Never in his existence had he felt that way.

“How long…?” Lan Zhan tried to ask, his voice failing him to complete the sentence.

“One week,” was Wei Ying´s answer.

Lan Zhan caressed Wei Ying´s face and tilted it softly, making him look at his eyes. 

“You know I love you, Wei Ying, I always have and I always will. Never forget it.”

“And I love you, my Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying told him, fighting the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. 

“Do not cry, please,” Lan Zhan begged. It was too much pain for both of them.

For the sake of his beloved, Wei Ying stopped his tears and put a smile on his face. “You´re right, Lan Zhan. I don´t want our last days together to be tearful. Let´s enjoy our love and pray we can be together again one day.”

Lan Zhan felt like his heart was being ripped apart. He knew Wei Ying was putting on an act for his benefit. He didn´t want to hinder his efforts, so he pretended he could withstand their separation. He racked his brain trying to find a solution for them to be together, but he found nothing that allowed them to remain in heaven or Eden. The only way he could think of, he didn´t dare to say it out loud. 

“Mn,” Lan Zhan faked an agreement.

With a heavy heart, they decided to live their love fully. They bathed in the river under the moonlight, visited the stars together since both of them found them extremely beautiful and fascinating, especially the seven sisters. Extending their wings, they danced in the middle of the clouds, and looked into each other´s eyes savoring their moments together.  
\----------0-----------

In the meantime, Samyaza had not been idle. He was the one that had tried to intrude into Eden. He hadn´t been aware of the extra protection put in place by Wei Wuxian. That had been unforeseen. So he went to consult with Armaros once again.

“Armaros,” Samyaza greeted his brother.

“Greetings Samy, what brings you here?” Armaros asked utterly amused by Samyaza´s urgency.

“I need your help,” Samyaza replied.

“Well, you obviously do brother. What can I do for you?” Armaros said, cheekily.

“I tried to enter Eden today,” Samyaza told him.

“You did? Really? How? I don´t think that Wei Wuxian would let you get in that easily. I´ve heard he´s fierce performing his duties.”

“I´m not explaining myself correctly, I tried to break into Eden.”

“Ooookay, why would you do that, Samy?” Armaros asked, barely containing the amusement in his voice.

“I need to see him,” Samyaza started saying, then paused. “He´s in there with Lan Wangji. They have been together alone for so long. Wei Wuxian´s veil must have fallen by now. Last time I tried to lure him out of Eden, Lan Wangji impeded it.” Samyaza got furious just remembering.

“Wow, Samy. You´re so whipped for him,” Armaros laughed. Samyaza´s arrogance had always rubbed him in a bad way. Watching Samy losing his cool over the silver angel was extremely entertaining. 

“Are you going to help me or not?” Samyaza asked bluntly.

“So impatient, Samy. Of course I will. Tell you what, I´ll go with you and help you on site. How about it?” 

“Let´s go!” Samyaza interjected impatiently. 

Armaros laughed wholeheartedly. This was so much fun. He had not been this amused since… never. 

Flying, they traveled to Eden. They arrived exactly on the last day Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian would spend together, before Lan Wangji had to go. Standing at the boundary of Eden, Armaros closed his eyes. He was examining the physical boundary and after a while, he felt Wei Wuxian´s amulets.

“Wow, beautiful and wickedly smart. Your boy is the whole package, Samy,” Armaros teased him.

“What do you mean?” Samyaza inquired full of curiosity.

“He used very ingenious charms on the boundary to protect and alert, he´s clever and has a decent command on magic. Of course, this is nothing I can´t overcome,” Armaros answered, very smug.

“Then, do it already. I need to get in,” Samyaza said impatiently.

Armaros closed his eyes and extended his hands, at his command the charms that Wei Wuxian had put on the boundary lit up. Once they were visible to Armaros, he destroyed them with a jerk of his hand.

“There you go brother,” Armaros said smiling. This was going to be so much fun, he thought. Armaros and Samyaza walked into Eden unchallenged. 

\-----------0-------------

This was their last day together, they were completely devastated by the fact. Lan Zhan has thought about many things to say to Wei Ying and just couldn´t express the depth of his feelings and his sadness. So he did one of the things he excelled at, he composed a song.

Back in heaven, he had been in the musical adoration duty. He was good at that and everybody knew it. He played many instruments, but the guqin was his favorite. 

This would be his gift for his beloved, something to remember their time together. They sat down below a willow tree, and Lan Zhan produced his guqin and started playing a beautiful melody. Powerful notes enveloped them, filling the air with unsaid emotions.

“It´s so beautiful, my love. What´s its name?” Wei Ying asked.

“WangXian,” Lan Zhan answered. 

“Did you compose it?” Wei Ying inquired, surprised.

“Yes, it´s for Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, his eyes full of adoration for his beloved.

“I love you,” he said and crawled on Lan Zhan´s lap, planting a soft kiss on his lips. 

They were so engrossed in one another, that they didn´t notice two figures standing not far from them, neither felt their presence. Samyaza stood there, watching the source of his obsession kissing Lan Wangji, and swore they would pay. He would win in the end. Wei Wuxian would be his and his alone. 

Armaros looked at them carefully and seemed reflective. Something inside him was moved by their image. It was such a shame his selfish nature wouldn´t let him help them. He looked at Samyaza who was totally enraged. 

“Let´s go Armaros,” Samyaza said and started to move.

“Where to?” Armaros asked.

“Your place, I have some questions. We need to formulate a plan,” Samyaza answered with finality in his tone. And they left unnoticed. 

\----------------0-----------------

Wei Ying´s kiss was tender, he caressed Lan Zhan´s lips with his own. Slow movements and hesitant tasting evolved into a fierce demonstration of passion. 

Under the savage attack of Wei Ying´s tongue, Lan Zhan´s lips parted, allowing it full access. Swirling motions surrounding Lan Zhan´s tongue, dominating it with a furious rhythm.

A sudden urge to possess Lan Zhan took over Wei Ying, in a swift movement he straddled him and made him lay on his back. He continued his assault on Lan Zhan´s mouth and started kissing and nibbling his jawline and neck. 

Wei Ying started undressing Lan Zhan with great care, almost reverently, his robes laid on the ground below his body. The silver angel resumed his exploration of Lan Zhan´s skin at his left shoulder, nibbling and biting the alabaster surface.

Butterfly kisses were dotted on Lan Zhan´s chest and abdomen. Reaching his waist, Wei Ying stopped. Hesitant to ask, but unable to resist this powerful need that overtook him.

“Can I…?” he stopped, unable to finish the sentence. He wanted, needed, but he was afraid to request.

Lan Zhan passion was also awakened, trembling with anticipation, he looked at Wei Ying´s face and knew immediately what his beloved had been reluctant to ask. He belonged to Wei Ying, so he didn´t need to ask. Lan Zhan was unreservedly his, forever. Whatever Wei Ying wanted, Lan Zhan would eagerly give, always.

“Everything, I´ll give anything to you,” was Lan Zhan´s resolute response to Wei Ying´s unfinished question.

“Do you carry…?” Wei Ying asked. Lan Zhan had gotten accustomed to carry a vial of oil with him everywhere.

Blushing faintly, he answered. “I do,” and took the small bottle from his clothes, giving it to Wei Ying.

In the past year, Wei Ying had given his love and his body to Lan Zhan unrestrictedly. He had been always on the receiving end of Lan Zhan´s passion until now. Today, Lan Zhan intended to give himself completely to Wei Ying.

Going back to Lan Zhan´s skin, Wei Ying nibbled his nipples. Trailing down he reached Lan Zhan´s rod and swallowed it. With purposeful movements, he bobbed his head up and down, swirling his tongue on its tip occasionally. 

Lan Zhan gasped, a languid groan escaping from his mouth. “Please, Wei Ying,” he begged. 

“Please what? My love,” Wei Ying asked. 

“I don´t want… not like this, please.”

Wei Ying grasped the meaning of Lan Zhan´s words and stopped his ministrations. Instead, he focused on stretching the golden eyed angel entrance, preparing him for his intrusion. In the process, he nudged his sweet spot sending waves of pleasure throughout his body.

Diligently, the silver angel used his fingers, previously coated in oil, to prepare his beloved and pleasure him unwaveringly. Once he judged his efforts had achieved his aim, he undressed himself.

Lan Zhan looked at him intensely, communicating without words that he was prepared and willing. Slightly quivering, Wei Ying positioned himself between Lan Zhan´s creamy thighs. Aligning himself to his beloved´s entrance, he impaled him with an abrupt movement.

A burning sensation invaded Lan Zhan. He felt so full and stretched that a soft moan was drawn out of him. Now he knew how his beloved felt when Lan Zhan took him. Being with Wei Ying was astonishing no matter what, but this myriad of sensations eclipsing his senses was too much for him.

At last, Wei Ying started moving. A steady rhythm was quickly reached and soon both of them were panting and moaning. Lan Zhan´s usually stoic demeanor shattered under Wei Ying´s dexterous touches. Vocalizing his acute need, he begged his beloved for release.

“Please, I need…”

Wei Ying understood, having being in his current position many times. Without delay, he grabbed Lan Zhan´s cock and started stroking it. Increasing his speed in both fronts, soon he was shooting his seed inside the golden eyed angel. Lan Zhan´s climax followed immediately. 

Their uneven heartbeats met one another when Wei Ying held him against his chest without breaking their link. Looking into Lan Zhan´s eyes, he told him. “I love you my intended. Never forget that I´m yours, only yours forever.”

Eventually, Wei Ying removed himself from Lan Zhan. After cleaning themselves and putting their clothes on again, they shared a final kiss. Promising to find a way to be together again forever, Lan Zhan opened his golden wings, and flew to heaven.


	18. Nemo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna at Wattpad and JJSIN2020 for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your votes and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Nemo by Nightwish. This is the song that inspired this story. Nemo means nameless in Latin.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TK5PHRxIAOk

After they had left Eden, Armaros and Samyaza went to Armaros´ lair. Samyaza´s temper was completely out of control. He was really furious full of rage and jelousy.

“Would you calm down, Samy?” Armaros tried to pacify him.

“How was that possible?! He was supposed to be mine! You promised!” Samyaza´s voice could be heard a long distance from outside Armaros´place, he was completely out of control.

“Samy, I fulfilled your request. His veil fell, that was our deal. Now, as for Lan Wangji, I´m certain he´s his intended,” Armaros explained. That, of course, was not what Samyaza wanted to hear.

“I want Wei Wuxian to forget Lan Wangji,” he stated out of his mind. He had never felt such fury. “Is it possible to put his veil on again?”

“Samy, it doesn´t work that way,” Armaros tried to explain, treating Samyaza like a small child.

“What do you mean?” Samyaza asked anxiously.

“His veil fell, Samy. A fallen veil can never be restored. Lan Wangji is his intended. No angel will ever forget his intended once they found each other,” Armaros spelled it out trying to sound patient.

Samyaza was very silent after that, Armaros thought he could almost see the gears turning in Samyaza´s brain.

“No angel, you said. Is there a way for an angel to become a different being?” Samyaza asked full of malicious intent. 

Armaros didn´t answer immediately, he was stupefied by Samyaza´s question. He couldn´t possible think about doing that to one of his own brothers.

“Yes, there is, but…”Armaros stopped, he was very hesitant about keeping on that topic.

“What could an angel become?” Samyaza insisted.

“A human,” Armaros answered.

“A human that could forget?“ Samyaza went on.

“Yes,” Armaros finally stated.

“Very well then,” Samyaza finally looking tranquil. 

“Surely, you´re not suggesting…” Armaros was taken aback by the mere mention of that possibility.

“Oh no, I´m not suggesting anything at all. I´m planning on it,” Samyaza said.

“It´s not that simple Samy,” Armaros warned him.

“Of course, nothing is that simple, isn´t it?” Samyaza questioned rhetorically. 

“Right,” Armaros understood that Samyaza would not change his mind.

“What is required?” Samyaza asked, direct to the point.

“He or she must leave heaven willingly for the spell to work,” Armaros informed him.

“And for forgetfulness?” Samyaza insisted in his line of questioning.

“We must talk to Purah,” Armaros said matter of factly.

“But of course, Purah. What an irony, don´t you think? I forgot about the angel of oblivion,” Samyaza laughed. “Will he cooperate?” He inquired.

“He owes me some favors,” Armaros responded. He didn´t like this, he didn´t like it at all.

“Who doesn´t?” Samyaza looked at Armaros in the eye. Armaros decided to ignore him and continued. 

“Once Purah gives us the right spell, I can put both enchantments on him, but…”

“But? Damn, there is always a but,” Samyaza complained.

“The spell will restrict us from tracking him down us to track him down,” Armaros explained.

“And that means?” Samyaza wanted to know.

“We won’t know when or where he will fall, and he will be human, entirely human, a human without any memory. He won´t even know his name,” Armaros finished explaining. He was reluctant to do this to a fellow angel, but he needed to keep Samyaza on his side.

“Sacrifices must be made then,” Samyaza said coldly.

“How will you make him fall voluntarily?” Armaros asked curious.

“You´ll see,” Samyaza responded enigmatically, looking self-satisfied with his idea.

\-------------0---------------

Deep sorrow engulfed Wei Wuxian after Lan Wangji´s departure to Heaven. He tried to resign himself to an existence of loneliness, but he couldn´t. Every day, his longing and melancholy took over his spirit. His existence seemed vain and pointless. Sometimes he even wished he could stop existing. 

He was withering and he didn´t care at all. Nothing gave him joy or pleasure. Everything, even Eden, looked dull and lifeless to him. Lan Wangji had been gone for a month in human time, when some of his brothers arrived without a previous announcement. 

“Wei Wuxian,”one of them called his name.

“Yes, brother, “he responded.

“We´re here to escort you to Heaven,” the same angel answered.

The silver angel noticed they were armed. He could bet they were under Michael´s command. He knew a warrior´s stance when he saw it.

“What for, brother?” He asked.

“Michael wants to talk to you,” there was finality in that voice. Wei Wuxian knew an invitation when he saw one. This was certainly not an invitation.

“Who´s going to replace me?” Wei Wuxian asked and soon another angel took his post as guardian of Eden.

Willingly, he accompanied them. Deep down, he harbored some hope of seeing Lan Wangji again in heaven. A mere glance would be more than enough for him.

They departed right away, and soon they were in the presence of Michael. Wei Wuxian knew he was being treated as a prisoner, in his heart he knew that his deep love for Lan Wangji was forbidden, but he could not repent. How could he? He loved his intended with all his being.

He was about to be punished, that he knew for sure just from the attitude his brothers showed towards him. Then he felt sick with worry. Was Lan Wangji in trouble like him? Had they been discovered? He was pulled out of his thoughts by Michael´s thunderous voice.

“Wei Wuxian!” Michael all but yelled at him, he looked irritated.

“Michael, my brother,” Wei Wuxian greeted.

“You´re in deep trouble,” Michael said while looking him in the eye worriedly.

“Why?” Wei Wuxian inquired.

“You have been accused of treason,” Michael answered.

“What? What do you mean treason?” Wei Wuxian questioned surprised.

“You´re being accused of leading a rebellion against the Lord, trying to convince other angels of falling to Earth.”

Wei Wuxian stood silent, then he started laughing almost hysterically. “What are you talking about, Michael? Me? Are you sure?”

“This is serious,” Michel said exasperated. “Your punishment would be severe if you´re found guilty. You will die by my hand.”

“But this accusation is preposterous,” he replied. “Who was I trying to convince? I never see anybody! I´m always at Eden.”

“There are witnesses,” Michael added.

“For real? Is this for real? Isn´t it like a practical joke or something?” He asked incredulous.

Michael´s sad eyes finally convinced him it was all serious. Michael seemed worried, they were after all close friends.

“I see,” Wei Wuxian finally accepted reality. “What´s next?” 

“Tomorrow, you´ll face your accusers.”

“And meanwhile?” Wei Wuxian wanted to know.

“Meanwhile you´re my prisoner. I´ll escort you to your cell.”

Wei Wuxian followed Michael silently. He felt surprised and mildly agitated. He knew he was innocent of the charges brought against him. He was not an innocent in the whole sense of the word, but at least he was not a rebellious leader. That was the complete truth.

Michael was really pained at having to incarcerate Wei Wuxian, but this was duty, and duty always came first for him.

Wei Wuxian waited patiently until someone came to retrieve him to face his accusations and the witnesses against him. He was so lost in thought that he didn´t notice a presence in front of his cell. Finally, he looked up.

“Brother Samyaza? Are you here for me?” He asked trembling for some unexplained reason.

“Oh, I sure am,” Samyaza answered him with a mysterious glint in the eye.

“Is it time already?” The silver angel wanted to know if he was about to face his accusers.

“For the audience you mean? No, not yet,” Samyaza replied.

“Then why…?” He didn´t finish the sentence. Wei Wuxian was confused.

“Oh we need to talk, that´s all,” Samyaza stated, sending unpleasant shivers through Wei Wuxian´s body.

“Do we? I don´t know what…” Wei Wuxian started, but was suddenly interrupted by Samyaza´s angry retort.

“Be quiet!” Samyaza yelled at him.

“But brother…” Wei Wuxian was dumbfounded by Samyaza´s attitude.

“Don´t call me that! I´m not…”Samyaza interjected.

“Why not?” Wei Wuxian whispered, confused.

“Because…because you made my veil fall. I desire you. I´ve been lusting after you for a long time. You must be mine!”

“Wait, what? When? How? I don´t understand,” Wei Wuxian said bewildered.

“When I went to substitute you in your post, my veil fell. Now, I can´t stop thinking about you. It´s all your fault!” Samyaza explained.

“But I…I didn´t do anything,” he replied totally mortified.

“It´s still your fault. Then you fell in love with Lan Wangji,” Samyaza all but spat at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian´s face lost all its color. How? How did Samyaza know that? He started panicking, all of the sudden really afraid of Samyaza.

“That´s not true,” he tried to lie.

“Do not insult me!” Samyaza shouted at him. “I saw you two, together.”

Wei Wuxian then remembered about the intrusion alarm. It had warned him but he hadn´t paid enough attention to it. Now, he regretted it dearly.

“What do you want?” Wei Wuxian asked, steeling himself.

“Oh, what I really want is for you to be mine. Go with me to Earth. We´ll fall together,” Samyaza answered.

“So, it´s really you. You´re the leader of the rebellion,” Wei Wuxian affirmed.

“Wow, you´re smart. Yes, I am, “ Samyaza responded shamelessly.

“And if I say no?” Wei Wuxian challenged him.

“Then you and your precious Lan Wangji will be exposed as the lustful beings that you are. Imagine the image of your perfect golden eyed angel shattered to pieces. Forever imprisoned and apart from you,” Samyaza stated without mercy.

“No! You can´t!” Wei Wuxian protested. He had to talk to Michael, he needed to confess his sin, but he would leave Lan Zhan out of all of this.

“But I can. I have witnesses that both of you planned the whole rebellion thing just to live your lustful desires on Earth,” Samyaza declared triumphantly.

The look of terror in Wei Wuxian´s eyes convinced him he had won. He was sure Wei Wuxian would do whatever he asked. He would make him forget Lan Wangji and in the end Wei Wuxian would be his.

Wei Wuxian felt cornered and desperate. If Samyaza framed Lan Wangji as a leader of the rebellion driven by lust, he could be sentenced to death. He could not bear that thought.

“What would you do to clear my name if I accept?” Wei Wuxian asked him.

“Nothing. I´ll help you to escape. We´ll fall together, so the accusation will not matter at all,” Samyaza explained to him.

So for eternity, his name would be muddied. All of his brothers would think of him as a traitor, a rebel. The Lord would think so too. Even his beloved might believe it. But Lan Zhan would be safe, then all of it would be worth it.

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes, he was pained. What had he done to deserve such a fate? At least, his memories of the time shared with Lan Zhan would sustain him, he thought.   
Resigned to his destiny, he nodded, not trusting his voice to express his acceptance to Samyaza.

Samyaza was elated. He opened Wei Wuxian´s cell to free him and instructed him to follow. Deep down, he knew Wei Wuxian would not try to escape. Lan Wangji´s destiny was in his hands after all.

Wei Wuxian was conducted to a green meadow. At the edge of it, what seemed like a bottomless precipice existed. 

“We´ll fall here,” Samyaza told him. “But we need to do a little something before that.”

Armaros and Purah appeared out of nowhere. Wei Ying recognized Purah at once. What was the angel of oblivion doing there? The answer came to him like a landslide, he was going to make him forget. Samyaza wanted him to forget about Lan Zhan! How would he even survive without his memories?!

Armaros looked ashamed, but he was still determined to do the deed. He started chanting the spell and drawing talismans on Wei Wuxian´s clothes and body. 

Thinking quickly, Wei Wuxian casted a fast spell on himself before Purah had the opportunity to do anything to him. If Armaros noticed it, he didn´t say anything, but he cast a meaningful glare towards Wei Wuxian.

Purah started his work, and soon enough, both their spells were on finished. 

“Are you ready?” Armaros asked the silver angel.

\----------------0------------------------

Lan Wangji had been utterly sad since he left Eden. But today, while he was classifying the materials in Heaven´s library he felt a pull to his heart. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. Wei Ying!

He left the library and ran aimlessly. He felt disoriented and confused. What was happening? An unexpected terror enveloped his heart. His Wei Ying was in danger, but he didn´t know why or where he was. 

His heart told him that Wei Ying was currently in Heaven. He ran as fast as he could, pulled by an invisible cord that tied him to Wei Ying. He reached the meadow where Wei Ying stood silently with a dispassionate look on his face. He looked resigned and broken. 

Lan Wangji was still far from him, but he observed as Purah and Armaros put spells on Wei Ying and he hadn´t protested or fought them.

Something was terribly wrong, but what exactly Lan Wangji didn´t know. But he ran towards his beloved. 

\-------------------------------0---------------------------------

Purah and Armaros had already finished. Samyaza was waiting impatiently for Wei Ying to fulfill his part of the deal. Tears started to fall from Wei Ying´s silver eyes, thinking he would never see Lan Zhan´s face again. He tried to remember every single detail before forgetting. He didn´t want to forget. Never.

Samyaza tried to grab his hand to make them fall together to Earth. Foolishly, he thought he could outsmart Armaros´ spell. Armaros had warned him beforehand they would not be able to track Wei Wuxian once he fell. But Samyaza´s need to possess the silver angel and his sheer blind arrogance fooled him.

Unexpectedly, Wei Wuxian jerked himself free from Samyaza´s grasp and ran towards the precipice. If he was going to forget everything, he would be free of Samyaza´s obsession as well.

He didn´t want to be close to anything related to the blond angel. His heart felt full of hatred towards him. Who would impose his passion on others? Only an egotistical jerk like Samyaza.

He was on the edge, ready to jump when he heard it. A desperate cry, a voice full of heartbreaking despair calling his name.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan shouted.

Wei Ying turned and saw his beloved face full of anguish. His heart broke in a million pieces, but it was too late for them. Hopefully, if the spell he had put on himself worked, he would remember one day and find a way back to his beloved.

“Please! “ Lan Zhan begged him. “Don´t.”

It seemed Lan Zhan had at least figured out he intended to fall to Earth. Wei Ying wanted to explain everything to him. To tell him it was for the best, that Lan Zhan would be safe. That he would try with all his being to find a way back to Lan Zhan, but he couldn’t. He didn´t have time. 

“Wei Ying! Come back to me!” Lan Zhan cried. 

Wei Ying looked at him and smiled sweetly. He hoped his expression could convey to Lan Zhan the depth of his love and devotion towards him. His soul, his entire being belonged to Lan Zhan. He wished Lan Zhan could understand that. He hope it could comfort his beloved.

Lan Zhan kept running, trying to prevent Wei Ying´s fall. Samyaza had been distracted by Lan Zhan´s cries so he hadn´t reached towards Wei Wuxian. Once out of his surprised state, he tried to grab Wei Wuxian again.

Wei Wuxian looked at Samyaza´s approaching form and horrified by his nearness, with his back turned towards the edge of the precipice he let go and fell down to Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Purah is the name of the angel of oblivion. Shamsiel, Wei Wuxian´s character as an angel is in fact regarded as a prince of heaven or as a fallen Grigori. There is some controversy over him. That´s why it was the chosen angel for this story.


	19. Somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Somewhere by Within Temptation  
> [Somewhere](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEq4ipHJ6Mo&list=RDEEq4ipHJ6Mo&start_radio=1&t=0)

“Noooo!” Was Lan Wangji´s gut-wrenching scream. He felt like his throat constricted and his heart was ripped from his chest. 

After Wei Wuxian fell down, Samyaza ran frantically towards him, in an attempt to fall with him he jumped over the edge of the precipice before the horrified Lan Wangji.

The golden eyed angel ran towards the edge, trying to grab Wei Wuxian falling body without success. Immediately he tried to follow him, but Armaros held him by the waist.

“Let me go!” Lan Wangji demanded furiously struggling to break free from Armaros´ hold.

“Calm down, please,” Armaros all but begged him, while wrestling with Lan Wangi to keep him from jumping.

“Why?” Lan Wangji asked full of despair. He didn´t understand what had just happened.

“I know you don´t understand, that´s why we need to talk. Don´t make any rash decisions before we have a conversation, please.” Lan Wangji looked at Armaros, nothing made any sense to him. Not Wei Wuxian´s actions and certainly not Armaros´ current attitude.

“Don´t worry, Samyaza will not find him. I made sure of that,” Armaros confessed. Lan Wangji felt somewhat relieved, but still his pain was unbearable.

Unexpectedly, Armaros produced two talismans from his robes and put them in Lan Wangji´s hand. 

“This one will guide you to my lair,” he said putting a talisman with blue symbols in his hand. “This one will allow you to leave Heaven undetected,” and put a talisman with red symbols on it.

Lan Wangji looked at them with a suspicious look. This was extremely odd. Why did it seem that Armaros was on his side? Did he intend to help him? Lan Wangji was utterly confused.

“Before you decide any course of action, let’s talk.” He reiterated, without another word, Armaros extended his wings and flew away. 

Finally alone, he let his tears fall copiously. His intended, his beloved Wei Wuxian had fallen. His lover had left him alone. Completely disoriented and almost chocking with his own sobs he went back to Heaven´s library. 

Dumbfounded, he sat on the floor his back against a wall and putting his head between his hands he cried until he felt incapable of letting another tear fall. He took out the talismans that Armaros had given him from his robes, studying them with care. This was powerful magic. Even if he didn´t practice magic himself, he had read books. He needed to know what exactly had happened to his Wei Ying before he could do anything. 

Making a decision, he stood up and activated the talismans in his hand. One of them guided him to Armaros´ place on Earth. Cautiously, he reached the gateway and looked for Armaros.

Armaros felt his presence immediately and greeted him. 

“Harahel,” he said. He wasn´t really surprised, he had been expecting Lan Wangji to arrive soon.

“Lan Wangji,” he responded. “Please, call me Lan Wangji.”

“As you wish. Please come in, we´ll have a long talk,” Armaros explained while offering him a seat.

Lan Wangji looked at the offered seat with an impassive face and remained standing. Armaros looked at his expression –or lack of thereof, and smiled.

“Let´s cut to the chase my brother. You want to know why your intended left you alone, Am I right?” Armaros stated. He gave Lan Wangji a once over, he looked like shit. His usually neat and elegant appearance was completely lost, he looked disheveled.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji nodded. Closely studying Armaros, full of distrust.

“Honestly, I don´t have the full story, but I know enough to tell you that Samyaza forced him to do it,” Armaros said.

“Why?” Lan Zhan had to ask, but the truth was he had been very suspicious of Samyaza and his attitude towards Wei Wuxian for a long time.

“Samyaza´s veil fell when he went to replace Wei Wuxian as guardian of Eden,” Armaros told him. “He became…obsessed with him,” he continued. “He came to me to strike a deal. He wanted me to make Wei Wuxian´s veil fall.”

“It was you then,” Lan Zhan concluded. He had been suspicious of the unnatural way Wei Ying´s veil fell.

“Yes, it was me,” Armaros admitted, sounding mildly regretful.

“Why did you do that?” Lan Wangji inquired, barely containing his anger.

“He agreed to pay the right price,” Armaros answered without further explanation.

“But Samyaza knew it didn´t guarantee Wei Wuxian would fall in love with him,” Armaros kept on. “You were with him at the time, so I´m sure you are his intended.”  
“Mn,” Lan Wangji nodded.

“Well, you had stayed for a long time alone with him, so Samyaza became impatient. I accompanied him to enter Eden…surreptitiously, and we saw you two together.”  
Lan Wangji´s eyes widened in surprise. His ears became red as he felt a flush covering his face. 

“It was an intimate moment, but not that…explicit,” Armaros explained to him. “However, Samyaza became furious. Then he asked me if Wei Wuxian´s veil could be restored.”  
“That´s not possible,” Lan Wangji replied automatically. 

“I know that as well as you do,” Armaros agreed with him. “But Samyaza was out of his mind so he kept insisting and then he asked for something else.”

“What was it?” Lan Wangji wanted to know, trying his best to control his temper. Although Armaros was giving him vital information, it would not redeem him from his responsibility in all this ordeal.

“How to make Wei Wuxian forget you,” Armaros answered gauging Lan Wangi´s reaction.

“Also, not possible,” Lan Wangji stated, trying to appear calm when an inner turmoil threatened to snap the last of his self-control.

“Well, not if he was still an angel…”Armaros let his words sink into Lan Wangji´s mind.

“He wouldn´t…”Lan Wangji was incredulous. Samyaza´s idea was preposterous. 

“Of course he would, he did,” Armaros confirmed his worst fear.

“Was that the spell you were casting on him?” Lan Wangji inquired, making a great effort to keep his voice from trembling.

“One of them,” Armaros responded sincerely.

“What would he become?” Lan Wangji asked with pain in his eyes, both his hands were curled into fists.

“Human,” Armaros informed him. “That spell required he would fall willingly, that´s how I know Samyaza had to blackmail him or something.”

“You said one of them. What else did you do to him?” The golden eyed angel asked, needing to know the full extent of the harm done to his intended.

“I cast a spell to make him impossible to track,” Armaros told him. “So Samyaza would not find him, hopefully never.”

“And?” Lan Wangji continued asking, his eyes closed like he could not stand reality anymore. 

“Purah put an oblivion curse on him, but…” Armaros paused.

“But?” Lan Wangji opened his eyes when he heard Armaros´ hesitant voice.

“Before Purah got to him, he cast a spell on himself. I´m not really sure what for, but Wei Wuxian had a decent command on magic. Not as much as I do, but he could do many things. Besides, he´s really a smart one, so I guess he protected his memories somehow.”

“So, he´s human, he doesn´t remember even his name and he´s on Earth alone. Is that what you´re telling me?!” Lan Wangji shouted furious, grabbing Armaros´ by his clothes.

“Yes,” Armaros answered him, his eyes downcast. Lan Wangji let go of him.

“Why did you help Samyaza do that to him? Have you no shame? He was your brother!” Lan Wangji roared at him.

“You know Lan Wangji, I´m a selfish being with a selfish motivations. I needed Samyaza to accomplish some things. But I…” Armaros stopped hesitantly.

“But you?” Lan Wangji encouraged him, trying to understand Armaros´ logic.

“Look, what we did to him was horrible, okay? What Samyaza asked is unspeakable. I feel very guilty that´s why…” he paused.

“Mn?”  
“I stopped you because we need to find a way for you to track him,” Armaros confessed.

“Now you want to help me? Really?” Lan Wangji sounded very dubious.

“I know I can´t expect you to believe me,” Armaros responded. “But I really want to help you.”

“And why would you do that?” Lan Wangji inquired, very skeptical. 

“Because I know how it feels. I know what it is to be forever apart from your intended,” Armaros acknowledged.

“Do you really?” Lan Wangji asked still in doubt.

“I lost my veil a long time ago,” Armaros started. “He was perfect, beautiful. I fell in love, “ he continued. “He hadn´t lost his veil. He was an idealist, straight as an arrow, obedient of the Lord, and then...” He looked extremely pained by his memories, but he kept on. “He became a follower of Lucifer, and he fell with him.” A single tear fell from Armaros´ eyes. “He never knew I loved him, that I still do, but even a cynic like me could not go that far against the Lord.”

Lan Wangji´s eyes widened. He was truly taken aback by Armaros´ tale. He continued.

He continued. “So as you can see, I really know what you are feeling. But at least you have a vague opportunity of finding him again. I, on the other hand…”

“I see,” was Lan Wangji´s response.

“I have to warn you, as a human he would not look like he did before. His physical appearance has already changed. You have to look for his soul, for his essence, not for his face,” Armaros changed the course of the talk suddenly trying to compose himself.

“It doesn´t matter how he looks like. I have to find _him 'i' Tag_ ,” the golden eyed angel responded.

“I was thinking…I read a while ago an enchantment that allows transmigration, so maybe…” Armaros suggested.

“What do you mean?” Lan Wangji sounded interested. He knew he would do anything to find Wei Ying.

“Your soul could go to a human body, you´ll live your life and hopefully you´ll find him. When your time comes you will die, but…” Armaros paused before continuing. “He was cursed to oblivion, you would be cursed to remember,” Armaros warned him.

“How?” Lan Wangji wanted to know.

“I can grant you oblivion for most of your life, but before you die you´ll remember everything, and immediately after you die, you´ll reincarnate in another human body. If you find him, you´ll remember everything once he´s completely yours, if you know what I mean.”

“But how will I find him? You said you can´t track him,” Lan Wangji asked him.

“I can´t. But the spell will try to get you close to him. It will be random though. The odds are that in one of your lifetimes as a human, you´ll find him,” Armaros explained to him.

Lan Wangji was desperate. This was clearly a long shot, but it was the only option he had and he knew it. Was he ready to wait patiently within Heaven´s library until he found a better option? He didn´t think so. It could take centuries before he could find him, but it didn´t matter. This was his opportunity, so he decided to grab it.

“I´m willing to take this chance,” he said to Armaros decidedly. 

“There is something else you need to know,” Armaros needed to inform him. 

“Yes?” Lan Wangji waited for him to continue.

“Remember, you´ll be human. So for each reincarnation your physical appearance will change. You will never look like yourself again,” Armaros explained.

“Acceptable,” he responded.

“And also…”Armaros tried to continue, but paused doubting if he should disclose more information.

“Please continue,” the golden eyed angel encouraged Armaros.

“There will be traces of your past life that will be carried to your human lives,” Armaros explained.

“Such as,” he wanted to know.

“Dreams, fears, something like that,” Armaros said.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji nodded. It didn´t matter at all to him. The only important thing was to find Wei Ying.

“And you might never be an angel again,” Armaros finished and remained silent afterwards. He knew it was a hard decision to make. Even harder for someone like Lan Wangji who was a rule follower. He would have to renounce everything familiar and dear to him. 

“Can you cast the spell?” Lan Wangji asked.

“Are you sure?” Armaros inquired for confirmation.

“Absolutely sure,” Lan Wangji assured him. “Name your price,” he requested.

“You´ll know my price when you find him,” Armaros responded.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji nodded in acceptance.

Armaros went to work and the very next day, Lan Wangji started his quest to find his beloved as a human being.


	20. In the Middle of the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna at Wattpad and [ JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is In the Middle of the Night by Within Temptation  
> [In the Middle of the Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKXDJi4I5yo)

Samyaza´s steps resounded in the empty street. It was the middle of the night, but he couldn’t wait one more minute. He needed to talk to Armaros right now. Last time he had been able to locate him, his elusive brother had found a reason to disappear claiming an emergency. Which had been a feeble excuse at best. 

It had been a painstakingly long process to pinpoint his location again, and knowing his fellow angel, he would most likely flee from his current lair before Samyaza could reach him if he could.

He had never paid any attention before, but now that he thought about it, Armaros had been avoiding him for a very long time. Ever since his fall to Earth to be exact. They had a deal and both fulfilled it, but if he was really honest to himself, he knew he owed Armaros.

His brother never named the price for helping him with the whole Wei Wuxian´s fall ordeal. Armaros had collected a favor from Purah to accomplish Samyaza´s objective and yet, Armaros never named his price. That made him nervous for some reason.

Entering Armaros´ lair unannounced, Samyaza grabbed him by his left wrist and greeted him. “Hello Armaros,” Samyaza said very serious. “Trying to escape again?”

Armaros was startled at first, surprised by Samyaza´s boldness and his forceful physical contact, something both of them avoided intentionally. Once the surprise passed a shameless grin grew on Armaros’ face. “I really don’t know what you´re talking about, Samy,” he replied. “But it’s good to see you,” he lied. 

“I told you last time I needed to talk to you,” Samyaza insisted, his patience wearing thin. Last time they met, Armaros had tried to escape as soon as he saw Samyaza.  
“You know how it is, Samy. Things to do, places to be,” Armaros tried to sound nonchalant. 

“I really don’t, Armaros. I need your help again,” Samyaza started impatiently. 

“What for?” Armaros questioned without real curiosity. He suspected the real motive for Samyaza´s urgency, but this time, he was determined to avoid intervening in that particular matter.

“I found him,” Samyaza announced to him without much preamble.

To say that Armaros was surprised was an understatement. This was not supposed to happen at all. He had made sure Wei Wuxian could not be tracked. Keeping a stoic façade, he asked Samyaza.

“Really? How so?” Armaros asked trying to sound uninterested.

“You know I´ve been actively looking for him since we both fell,“ Samyaza explained, “but as you told me, I could not track him.”

“Then, what happened?” Armaros asked curiously. 

“It was a fortuitous occurrence,” Samyaza answered, leaving Armaros dumbfounded. 

“What?!” Armaros questioned. He had not thought something like that could happen.

“A year ago I was walking on a street during rush hour in the morning, and a young man stumbled into me,” Samyaza started, “he wasn´t paying attention and neither was I. When I looked at him I felt something. Like a strong pull towards him.”

“And?” Armaros encouraged him to continue.

“At first, I thought nothing about that incident, but then I kept feeling a strange unrest. I went again to that street and I saw him. The pull felt stronger, but…”

“But?” Armaros was really intrigued.

“He looks nothing like Wei Wuxian, still he´s breathtakingly beautiful.”

“How do you know is him?” Armaros was deliberately trying to sow doubt in Samyaza´s mind.

“I just know,” Samyaza said assuredly. 

“How can you be so sure, Samy?” Armaros insisted.

“I´ve been watching him for more than a year, Armaros. I am sure,” Samyaza replied. Armaros was impressed and scared at the same time. Samyaza had really taken his time to verify his initial suspicions. 

“What gave him away?” Armaros kept on, trying to find the logic Samyaza was following in his reasoning.

“It´s not a single thing, nor the way he behaves. It´s a feeling. I just know. I feel the same pull towards him, the same need that drove me towards Wei Wuxian the first time around. There can´t be anyone like him. Nobody else has had that effect on me.”

It made total sense to Armaros. Shit! He thought. A fucking serendipitous encounter threw all his plans to the garbage. He had sensed both his brothers in this lifetime in the same city. But he had not been able to identify them just yet. He needed more time if he was going to help them.

“What do you need me for this time?” Armaros questioned Samyaza.

“They found each other. This was not supposed to happen!” Samyaza retorted angrily.

“Wait, What?!” Armaros was truly astounded. Of all of things he expected to hear from Samyaza, this information was certainly not one of them.

“You mean you know where Lan Wangji is?”

“Yes, they fell in love again,” Samyaza informed Armaros with barely contained fury. 

Armaros wanted to laugh at the situation, but he knew it was far too serious to be a laughing matter. This was his chance to redeem himself. He had been waiting centuries to fix one of his biggest mistakes.

“What do you want now, Samy?” Armaros asked in a serious tone. 

“Are you stupid? I want to break them apart again,” Samyaza said to Armaros.

He didn´t appreciate being called stupid ever, but at that precise moment it really made Armaros furious.

“You´ll watch your mouth when you talk to me, Samyaza!” he lashed out. “I will not tolerate your fucking insolence anymore. You´d better remember you still owe me from last time I helped you.”  


“Armaros…” Samyaza started. His voice a bastard mixture of nervousness and anger.

“Be quiet!” Armaros shut him up. Breathing deeply and collecting himself, Armaros turned his back to Samyaza. Finally, he found himself calm enough to talk again. “I´m sorry Samy, but at this moment I´m unable to give you any assistance on that matter,” his voice dripped a sense of finality that left no room for arguing against his resolution.

Samyaza was perplexed, but he still had a healthy amount of self-preservation, so he turned on his heels and left Armaros’ lair without uttering another word.

Armaros became frantic once Samyaza had left. He needed to find his brothers, and he needed to do it fast. He knew Samyaza well enough to know he would try to harm Lan Wangji or even Wei Wuxian if he didn´t get what he wanted.

Hoping sincerely that Lan Wangji had already made love to Wei Wuxian in this life, so his memories were unlocked, he spread his wings and flew into the night trying to locate Lan Wangji’s incarnation as soon as possible.  
\-------------------0---------------------  
Exactly at 3:33 am, Xiao Zhan woke up like every night. He felt slightly disoriented. Opening his eyes he slowly recognized his own apartment. He felt that something was different though, a source of warmth was lying on top of him. Turning his head, he saw Yi Bo placidly sleeping with his head on Zhan´s chest. 

Suddenly, he remembered the day before. They had come to his apartment to celebrate Bo´s birthday. They were supposed to call Yi Bo´s mother to ask for the family driver to pick Bo up and taking him back home. However, that never happened.

“Shit!” he swore. This was the first time they were truly alone with plenty of privacy and they had forgotten about everything else. Their lovemaking had been so intense that they ended up exhausted.

The sound of Zhan´s voice woke Yi Bo up. “What´s wrong Zhan?” he asked him drowsily, not fully awake yet.

“We fell asleep, we didn´t call your mom!” Zhan was kind of frantic.

“Oh! Don´t worry about it, I called her after we…” Yi Bo paused and blushed a little. A small smile appeared on his face.

“You did? When?” Zhan asked somewhat incredulous, but relieved they hadn´t been impolite to Bo´s mother. 

“Yeah, I didn´t want her to worry,” Yi Bo stated while yawning. Fuck! He felt really spent.

“Did she know you were going to stay here?” Zhan insisted kind of embarrassed that Yi Bo´s mom knew about their activities.

“Yes, I´m an adult. I was not asking permission. I was just letting her know,” Bo told him, widely amused by Zhan´s reactions.

“What did she say?” Zhan inquired. He was really curious about Bo´s mother reaction.

“She said, and I quote, have fun and enjoy my present,” Yi Bo told him, struggling to keep himself from laughing. 

“Oh,” Zhan expressed, his astonished expression amusing Bo to no end.

“Oh indeed,” Bo deadpanned. “So, now we are fully awake we could…you know…follow her wise advice,” Bo suggested wiggling his eyebrows.

Zhan caught up with the meaning of his words and processed all the information he just received. He just knew that Yi Bo’s brilliant mind must have been inherited from his mother. Smiling, he said to Yi Bo.

“Okay, we pretended it was my birthday before. How about I actually give you your present?” he said, capturing Bo´s lips in a soul searing kiss.

“I´d like that my love,” Yi Bo answered. Those were the last discernable words heard in that room for a while.


	21. Fire on Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is In the Fire on Fire by Sam Smith  
> [Fire on Fire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwMHXgusVzk&list=RDzwMHXgusVzk&start_radio=1)
> 
> Warning!  
> Some smut here.

Fire on Fire 

Gasping and panting sounds as well as moans filled Zhan´s bedroom in a symphony of desire. The skin on skin feeling was pretty new for them, and yet, it felt like they had already explored each other’s bodies widely. Inexplicably, Zhan knew where to touch, how to kiss, when to caress Yi Bo´s unblemished skin to make his boyfriend melt underneath him.

In fiery reciprocity, Yi Bo´s hands roamed freely along Zhan´s expanse of skin, leaving a rippling trail on his way. The heat of his touch on Zhan´s skin ignited sensations in him that were brand new, but felt like ancient knowledge. 

Yi Bo’s mouth bit Zhan’s shoulder, trying to mark him with the brand of his passion. A possessive trait he didn´t know he had invaded Bo. Zhan basked in the sensation, wanting to be owned by the breathtaking man that was in his bed. Zhan’s inviting eyes left no room for doubt on Yi Bo’s side, it was a passionate command and he was happy to comply.

In the midst of a storm of passion engulfing his brain, Bo had a moment of clarity looking into Zhan’s eyes earnestly and told him, “I love you. I’ve never loved anyone before and I’ll never love anyone else.”

Zhan´s eyes softened, he felt a lump in his throat. Overcome with emotion it felt impossible to talk. After a moment he finally found his voice and replied to Bo, ”I love you too, I adore you my love.” 

He chased Bo´s mouth with his own and kissed him, his tongue demanded entrance and Bo surrendered to his request. Their tongues started a sensuous dance around each other. Their hands traveled around each other’s bodies, grabbing unabashedly, caressing and forcefully holding alternatively. 

Suddenly, Zhan stopped. His heart beating wildly inside his chest. His mind lost in a fog of want and desire. He needed Bo to possess him, to make him his. He looked at Bo with half-lidded eyes clouded with need, his mouth swollen and red from Bo´s kisses opened briefly to command, “Please, love me.”

Molten metal found its home in Yi Bo´s loins. His blood ignited at the sound of Zhan´s demand. His beloved was offering himself completely, he felt the most fortunate man on Earth.

“Are you sure, my love?” He asked, wanting to be sure of Zhan´s desire.

“Yes, take me. Make me yours,” Zhan whispered sultrily.

The passion in Yi Bo’s lower belly threatened to explode. He took a calming breath trying to regain control of his own body. With a low whisper, he told Zhan, “On your back, my love.” Zhan obeyed without a second thought. He was going to let Yi Bo guide him and take him anyway Bo wanted.

Zhan was lying beside him, Yi Bo felt the need to worship his beloved’s body. He started exploring the alabaster skin with his mouth. Taking his time, peppering it with soft kisses at times or biting and marking it when heat dominated him. 

He noticed Zhan’s unattended erection and took him in his mouth. Zhan felt like he was struck by lightning. He looked down at his own body for a moment noticing the marks Yi Bo had left on his skin. Like he had just been used as a canvas and his lover had made a painting on him with his mouth as a testimony of their love.

Deciding Zhan’s cock had received enough attention for now, Bo stopped for a minute and let his senses guide him. His only previous experience had been with Zhan, just hours ago. He searched for his mother’s gift and quickly found a condom and lube.

Remembering how careful Zhan had been with him, treating him like something delicate, he coated his fingers in order to prepare Zhan. Hesitantly at first and slightly trembling from nervousness and anticipation, he introduced one finger into Zhan´s hole stretching him carefully and plunging it in and out with a steady cadence.

He proved he was quickstudy as he picked up a rhythm that worked for Zhan. A second finger was added and the pace was kept, Zhan’s groans encouraged him to get bolder.  
Scissoring his fingers, he stretched Zhan’s rim and then he added a third one. He remembered vividly the sensation that overcame him when Zhan had slightly flexed his fingers inside him, so he tried that move unsurely. In response, a loud moan escaped from Zhan’s mouth. 

Zhan closed his eyes and saw stars as a raw sensation invaded him, starting from his insides and radiating through his body in the form of rippled energy that transported him to another dimension.

Yi Bo was ecstatic watching pleasure taking over Zhan’s body. He wanted Zhan to focus only on the moment, to become only his. No other thought besides Yi Bo should be in his mind, because for Yi Bo, Zhan was the only person that existed in this Universe at that moment.

The wobbling mess that Zhan became was unable to produce any coherent thoughts, lost in a nebula of desire, his mind could only concentrate on Yi Bo’s hands and their marvelous touch. In a moment of lucidity, Zhan begged Yi Bo. “Please…I…ah…need you,” it came out of his mouth in an uncoordinated speech.

Bo understood Zhan’s urgency, he could not wait a minute more, being as desperate as Zhan was to become one with him. He took the condom, opened the package and clumsily rolled it along his length. 

With an obvious lack of dexterity, he coated his shaft with lube, leaving a trail of the substance on the sheets. It might be a bitch to get the lube out of the bed linen, but who cared. He didn’t think Zhan would take notice at that moment.

Zhan was more than ready, his back on the bed, his knees flexed, his soles on the surface, his thighs spread open. He offered a sinful visage of a wanton being, waiting to be taken.

Yi Bo positioned himself between Zhan’s thighs, his cock hard and swollen at Zhan’s entrance. Slowly, he entered the hot sheath and waited for Zhan to adjust to his invasion.  
A lonely tear rolled on Zhan’s face. This scorching sensation was too much for him to handle. He felt filled, but must importantly he felt complete. Like all his life he had just half lived. The intensity of the moment was not lost to Yi Bo, who looked at Zhan endearingly and told him, “You’re perfection, my beloved.”

Zhan was too gone, lost in his own body. He just managed to elicit a moan and implored, “Move…please.”

Yi Bo obliged, eager to lose himself in Zhan´s warm and velvety passage. Plunging himself to the hilt, he moved first with a tentative rhythm. Groaning and moaning, Zhan encouraged him to go faster, “more…please…faster.”

Acquiring confidence, he increased the pace. After a while, Zhan reached for his own cock, feeling close to the climax. Yi Bo made him abort his intentions holding his wrist with one of his hands. He wanted full responsibility for Zhan’s ecstasy, so he took charge of Zhan’s erection. 

Finding his pace in both fronts, Yi Bo slammed himself inside Zhan keeping mercilessly while Zhan lost his ability to vocalize the sensations that ran rampant all over his body. 

“Yi Bo, ah!” Was all the warning that Bo received from Zhan as he reached the stars, his seed splashing Bo’s abdomen. Yi Bo followed suit screaming Zhan’s name into the room. 

While he was still shooting his load inside Zhan, he felt a strange sensation. A sort of dizziness invaded him. His senses felt diminished and clouded. An acute sense of confusion invaded him. In a second, he watched the countless lives he had lived before in order to find the person he had been looking for.

He had spent eons in his search, eventually having to leave his incarnation heartbroken and alone because he hadn’t found his beloved in that life. He remembered the feeling of despair that always enveloped as he let go of life each time.

But his mind went even far back, and he remembered a pair of silver eyes, silver wings and a beautiful smile. Those eyes were looking at him full of love and calling him with an unknown name. What was the name that beautiful being was calling him? He could not understand.

Then he saw a memory of what seemed to be his reflection on a pool of water, golden eyes looked back to him. Again, the silver angel was calling for him. Finally, he heard the name, “Lan Zhan,” the beautiful angel was calling him.

In the depths of his mind he reached a moment of understanding, he was Lan Zhan and all memories from the past came at once to his brain. All the pain and sorrow he had to endure. The unending search for his intended, his beautiful beloved. 

Regaining full consciousness of his being he understood everything. He was Lan Wangji, Lan Zhan was the true name that only his intended knew. He remembered Armaros’ words, telling him he would remember everything when he was dying or when he found his love. He looked down and saw Zhan watching him with worried eyes. Their link was still intact as they were still joined.

Bo realized who Zhan really was and why it had been so easy to let go of his phobias and fears around him. He also figured out where his phobias had come from.  
His haphephobia had been born from the need to be touched only by his beloved, and his agoraphobia came from the moment Wei Ying had let go and fell to Earth, they had been at an open space. 

It was all related to him losing his beloved. Everything made sense now. He had thought it was impossible to love Zhan more, but now he felt his heart so full of love for him that he thought it might explode in his chest. 

Zhan kept looking at him with apprehension in his eyes, hesitantly he asked Bo, “Are you okay? What’s wrong my love?”

“Everything is okay, you’re here with me,” Bo gave him this heartfelt response.

Reluctantly, he moved out of Zhan and started cleaning them both. He remembered they had used a spell to make Wei Ying forget him, but he had hoped he would remember him when they found each other. It seemed his hopes were in vain.

\---------------------------0--------------------------------

In the meantime, Armaros continued his frantic search for Lan Wangji’s present incarnation. Then he halted in middle air and face palmed, “I’m so stupid,” he said out loud. Of course, to find Lan Wangji he had to follow the one that knew who they were and where they were. Berating himself for being such a dumb fuck he cast a spell to track Samyaza, hoping it was not too late.  
\-------------------------0----------------------------------------

Samyaza arrived at Zhan’s apartment and stood outside it for a minute, gathering his wits. No one could stop him this time. Wei Wuxian would be his come hail of high water. Making a decision, he draw a sphere of energy in his hands and threw it to Zhan’s door. 

An explosion of light invaded the apartment blinding his occupants for an instant. Yi Bo recognized Samyaza at once, full of fear he turned to look at Zhan who was still naked, just as he was. Dumfounded by the events Zhan just looked at them not understanding what had just happened. Yi Bo ran to cover Zhan naked figure and shouted at the same time, “Wei Ying!”

An avalanche of memories fell over Zhan, a look of recognition was in his eyes a second before he passed out.


	22. Stairway to the Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna at Wattpad and [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Starway to the Skies by Whitin Temptation.  
> [Stairway to the Skies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nl4G1Mg19g&list=RDMM6nl4G1Mg19g&index=1)

Yi Bo was frantic, Zhan remained unconscious and Samyaza kept looking at them with a mix of fury and incredulity. Bo settled Zhan carefully on the bed and covered him with the sheets. He stood still looking at Samyaza, waiting for any reaction from the angel.

“Wangji. It’s been a long time,” Samyaza said with venom in his voice.

“Samyaza,” was all Yi Bo managed to say.

“I see. You remembered.” It was not a question. Samyaza looked at him with calculating eyes.

“I did…I do. I remember everything.” Bo was thinking, trying to find a way to escape. He really needed Zhan to wake up fast. He knew they didn’t stand a chance against an angel with their human bodies. 

Samyaza looked at Bo deviously, how he wanted to destroy him right now. Unexpectedly, Zhan moved a little on the bed, he seemed to be in the process of waking up.   
Samyaza watched transfixed at Zhan’s naked body, barely covered by the sheets. Bo followed his eyes and became enraged at Samyaza’s lustful gaze.

“What do you want Samyaza?” Bo asked.

“What I’ve always wanted. Him,” He looked at Zhan again. “He was supposed to be mine! That’s why I asked Armaros to help me make his veil fall, but you…you interfered.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be anything to you, he’s my intended!” Yi Bo retorted. 

“But he doesn’t know it. I made sure he forgot,” was Samyaza’s cynical answer.

Their loud voices made Zhan come out of his unconscious state. He opened his eyes slowly and looked around. Finally, he came to his senses and sat up on the bed, seemingly knowing where he was.

Zhan’s gaze went to Samyaza and recognition showed in his eyes. Self-conscious, he covered himself while a sudden fear beset him. 

“You…” Zhan spoke at last, looking at Samyaza. “What do you want?”

Samyaza was taken aback by the fact that Zhan recognized him. That meant that he somehow remembered his past, but how was that possible? Purah had cast an oblivion spell on him to make him forget.

“You… you remember me?” He asked Zhan hesitantly.

“I remember everything now,” Zhan answered in a low voice. Yi Bo turned his head to see him. He was relieved, it meant he had finally remembered him too.

Their eyes met for a brief moment, memories of his past came rushing to his mind. He remembered his intended, his Lan Zhan, and he also remembered their painful separation. What mattered now was that they were together.

“You are Lan Zhan,” He said to Yi Bo with so much longing in his voice.

“Yes, Wei Ying. I am Lan Zhan, your Lan Zhan,” Bo said to him with softness in his voice.

A wave of relief engulfed Zhan or Wei Ying as he acknowledged himself now. At the same time, many doubts assaulted him. What had happened after he fell? How had Lan Zhan come to be Yi Bo? In the midst of his confusion he became distracted. Samyaza noticed it and in a swift moment, he tried to grab Zhan’s hand. Yi Bo jumped in front of both of them to avoid Samyaza touching Zhan. In the process, Samyaza opted for grabbing Yi Bo instead while retrieving a dagger from his clothes.

The cold blade landed on Yi Bo’s throat. Zhan looked at the scene with widened eyes and a fear stricken expression appeared on his face. “Please, don’t!” he shouted. 

“If you don’t want anything happening to him, you’ll cooperate,” Samyaza said while holding Yi Bo hostage. 

“I’ll cooperate. Don’t hurt him!” Zhan let a desperate plea out of his mouth.

“You’ll come with me,” Samyaza ordered him.

A dreadful feeling of resignation started to invade Zhan. Why would this have to happen to them again? He didn’t understand. Defeat and acceptance appeared to be his fate.

\------------------0-------------------

Armaros arrived at the building. He sensed Samyaza’s presence there. He folded his wings and made them disappear in his back. Walking, he arrived at Zhan’s doorway and looked at the destruction caused by Samyaza. 

He entered the apartment and the scene that welcomed him made his blood boil. Samyaza held a human hostage with a dagger at his throat. He closed his eyes and let the rest of his senses look for traces of his own magic. 

Soon enough he identified his spells on both humans. The human held by Samyaza was Lan Wangji’s incarnation. The other one was Wei Wuxian. And they were both…naked. He sighed. He definitely was too old for this shit. He decided to let his presence known.

“Samy, would you calm down?” He spoke out loud.

“Armaros?” Samyaza questioned. He was surprised. He didn’t expect Armaros’ presence there at all.

“Let’s talk Samy. Drop that thing. Would you?” Armaros told him nonchalantly. 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Samyaza roared impatiently.

“Wrong Samy. There’s lots to talk about. For instance, why the fuck are you obsessed with Wei Wuxian?” Armaros questioned Samyaza. He was fed up with Samyaza’s shit. This was going to end today, he would make sure of it.

“He belongs to me,” Samyaza responded. His self-entitlement evident to everyone in that room.

“Wow, just wow. Would you care to elaborate why he belongs to you,” Armaros encouraged him. Samyaza kept his dagger dangerously at Yi Bo’s throat. 

“I want him,” was his response. Armaros looked at him incredulously. 

“And?” Armaros urged him.

“I desire him. I want him by my side, forever.”

“How old are you? You act like a human toddler. Fucking grow up Sammy!” Armaros told him. “Have you ever, I don’t know, entertained the idea that maybe he doesn’t want to be with you?” 

“It’s not important. He will be mine in the end,” Samyaza said assuredly. “Why are you so interested Armaros?”

“Because, contrary to popular belief; I have a conscience. I have regrets, Samyaza.”

“Now that I think of it, you have a lot to explain, Armaros.”

“Oh yes. We all deserve lots of explanations, but could you release Wangji so they can put some clothes on? It’s like…uncomfortable for me seeing them naked in the middle of this situation.”

“I don’t care about your comfort, Armaros.”

“I know. You don’t give a fuck about anyone who isn’t you,” Armaros hissed. “Okay, let’s start with Lan Wangji. He fell to Earth to look for Wei Wuxian. I helped him.”

“You! Why did you help him?” Samyaza asked. He was furious.

“Because I felt remorse. You wouldn’t understand. Let’s continue. He became a human and had lived countless lives. He’s been on Earth for a long time, looking for Wei Wuxian. He would be born, live his life without memories of his previous lives and before dying, he would remember everything.”

Zhan was listening carefully to Armaros’ explanation. In the end, his sacrifice had been in vain. Lan Zhan had not stayed in Heaven. He tried to imagine Lan Zhan’s despair every time he had to let go of life without finding him. Although it gave him a heavy heart, he understood his intended. He would had probably done the same in his place.

“Why did he remember?” Samyaza wanted to know.

“He remembered because he found Wei Wuxian,” was Armaros’ explanation.

“Did your spell also make Wei Wuxian to live several lives as a human?” Samyaza asked. 

“No. I used…a different approach on him,” Armaros told them.

“What do you mean?” It was Yi Bo who voiced this question.

“When he fell, I put a spell on him. It would transport him to a random location at a random time. I didn’t know when or where he would fall,” Armaros explained.

“But where was he all this time? “ Samyaza asked.

“Nowhere…everywhere. I don’t really know,” Armaros tried to explain. “I don’t know how to explain it. A place where space and time don’t exist. Think about the limbo, somewhere like that.”

“How could he remember? Purah cast a spell on him!” Samyaza wanted to know.

“I would also like to know. Remember that it was Purah who cast the oblivion spell not me,” Armaros answered while looking at Zhan. “Unless…”

“Unless what?” Samyaza insisted.

“Right before Purah cast the spell, Wei Wuxian also cast one on himself. At that time I couldn’t figure out which one.” Armaros remembered.

Everyone in the room looked at Zhan, waiting for some form of explanation. He was overwhelmed after learning all the things that had happened. Everything made sense to him now. Why he was found in the middle of nowhere naked, why he didn’t have memories and he didn’t even remember his own name, why his feelings were dormant and why he had that cursed acrophobia to begin with. Eventually, he organized his ideas and explained.

“I cast a spell on myself to protect my memories and my feelings from Purah’s oblivion,” Zhan began. “Before Purah could really make me forget, I made myself forget everything. Just before falling, as I was looking at Lan Zhan I just could remember my love for him, nothing else.”

“But how were you able to remember now, brother?” Armaros questioned him.

“That spell could only be broken by Lan Zhan. I needed to feel the touch of his love and he needed to call me by my true name. That was the key.”

Armaros eyes shone with full comprehension of what Zhan had just said. Samyaza looked really lost and enraged.

“Your true name?” Samyaza inquired furious.

“You wouldn’t understand Samy,” Armaros stated. “When your veil falls and you are with your intended your true name is revealed.”

“And what is your true name?” Samyaza wanted to know. He was somewhat distracted and had loosened his hold on Yi Bo.

“His true name is Wei Ying,” Bo answered.

“I see,” Armaros finally understood. “So Samy,” he talked to Samyaza. “Would you leave them alone?”

“Never! He’s mine,” Samyaza answered full of conviction while looking at Zhan.

“Just what I thought. You really leave me no other option Samy,” Armaros told him and started chanting while drawing some symbols on the floor.

“What are you doing Armaros?” Samyaza shouted.

“Calling the cavalry,” was his cryptic answer.


	23. Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don´t own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character). Characters belong to their rightful owners. 
> 
> Author notes 2: I’m forever thankful to @SunnyAlSorna at Wattpad and [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this. Without your help, I couldn’t have done it. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is Paradise (What about us?) by Whitin Temptation ft. Tarja Turunen  
> [Paradise](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gMj2XbsEb4)
> 
> Author Notes 4: Thank you for reading this story to the end. Please, leave a final comment if you’re willing.

Armaros continued chanting before the bewildered stares of Samyaza, Zhan, and Bo. At some point, he produced a small knife from within his clothes, and made a cut on his left hand, and poured some of his blood onto the symbols he had drawn on the floor, while his invocation continued. 

To ignorant ears, his words appeared to be gibberish, but at some point Zhan recognized the invocation. His eyes widened in awe and fear just thinking about who Armaros was calling for.

He had no time to dwell on it. Unexpectedly, a blinding light filled the room while the outline of a being with a regal stance slowly appeared in front of them.

Zhan recognized it at once, “Michael,” he whispered. Armaros had summoned the Prince of Angels to Earth! After the intense light faded a little bit, everyone in the room fell on their knees, some out of true respect, some out of mere habit and some out of verifiable fear.

Michael appeared to be furious due to the disturbance, he turned to Armaros swiftly and looked at him with menacing eyes, “What’s the meaning of this, Armaros? You have been out of Heaven for so long. How dare you summon me?!”

“I have important reasons brother,” Armaros responded. He tried to look sure of himself, but he was intimidated and it showed since neither him nor anybody else had dared to raise their head or their body from their kneeling position.

“Reasons? What reasons? You’re a traitor. You left Heaven for good. What could you possible need from me?”

In a daring movement, Armaros looked at Michael’s face and answered him, “it’s not for my benefit that I summoned you, it’s for theirs.” Armaros pointed at Zhan and Bo who were still kneeling and staring fixtedly at the floor.

Michael then took notice of the dagger in Samyaza’s hand and at Zhan and Bo’s state of undress. At first, Michael squinted his eyes as if noticing that something was out place. He recognized the essences but not the bodies.

“Wuxian? Are you…? Would both of you put some clothes on?!” He roared.

Zhan and Bo nodded and stood up to put some clothes on. After kneeling, Samyaza had been dumbfounded enough to let Yi Bo free from his hold. There was not much that he could do now, he had to bide his time and avoid losing sight of his real objective, which was to make Wei Wuxian his.

Unable to talk to each other in the middle of this situation, Bo looked into Zhan’s eyes for the briefest of moments, Zhan looked back and the recognition and understanding they found was sufficient to elicit tiny soft smiles from each other. However, they remained concerned.

Once dressed, both went back to their kneeling position, waiting to find out Armaros’ motives in summoning Michael. 

“Explain!” Michael ordered Armaros. Samyaza kept quiet, thinking about how to get what he wanted.

Armaros started telling the tale from the beginning, the exact moment when Samyaza arrived to Eden to substitute Wei Wuxian as guardian. He spared no painful detail of his recently acquired knowledge of their tragic story. 

Michael’s eyebrows furrowed more and more as hidden facts came to the surface. His hands balled into fists and they were slightly trembling. Understanding descended on him as he finally figured out why Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian had disappeared from Heaven. 

Armaros finished his narration and Michael directed a cold glare to Samyaza. Without any warning, Michael threw a ball of light to Samyaza, rendering him unconscious.   
Everyone was left speechless, but Zhan was the first to react. “Michael, is he…?” he didn’t dare to complete his question.

“He’s just unconscious. I’ll make sure he gets what he deserves,” Michael explained to Zhan. “So now you’re human Wuxian,” he said with pained voice.

“That I am, my brother. It’s not that bad. They are full of emotions. But then again, I had already experienced them when my veil fell,” Zhan replied in a calm voice. There was neither regret nor pain in his words. Just calm acceptance.

“Would you…?” Michael tried to ask, but stopped. He looked pensive. “Would you like to go back?” He finally finished his question.

Yi Bo and Zhan found each other’s eyes as they were very surprised by Michael’s question. They had left Heaven a long time ago. Of course, every angel longed for Heaven and for closeness to the Lord, but could they dare to dream about it?

“What do you mean Michael? We fell, it’s impossible,” Zhan replied while a speck of hope nestled in his heart.

“Yes, you fell. It was not entirely voluntary, am I correct?” Michael stated. In a way, Zhan knew he was partially right. He would have fallen if Samyaza hadn’t coerced him.  
Yi Bo winced. It was true, Wei Ying’s fall hadn’t been entirely voluntary, but his was totally volitional. He had chosen to fall to find him. So he felt the need of letting Zhan choose if he wanted to return to Heaven. Bo was sure that possibility was out of his reach.

“Lan Wangji,” Michael called his name. “I know your fall was entirely your decision, but…” he paused. “I know your veil fell a long time ago, and yet you showed restraint and unbreakable faith in the Lord. It was noticed. So the question also pertains to you.”

Bo didn’t answer immediately. It seemed they were so lucky to regain access to Heaven, but his years on Earth had showed him that nothing came unattached. For every right there was always something wrong. Nothing could be perfect. Finally, he dared to speak.

“Are there…any conditions?” He asked shyly.

Zhan looked at him startled by Bo’s question. He hadn’t thought about it. Maybe, he was still too naïve having lived just his current life as a human. It made sense to him that Bo wasn’t so trusting after experiencing countless lives.

“I know what happened in Eden,” was Michael’s response. “It can’t go on in Heaven of course.”

“Of course…” Bo repeated. So basically the price of Heaven was to renounce his beloved, the half of his soul. He knew immediately what his answer was, but of course he wouldn’t impose his views on Zhan. He needed to choose freely.

Zhan looked at him helplessly. Bo’s face became an unreadable mask as he carefully erase any expression that would betray his thoughts. He didn’t want to exert any influence on Zhan’s decision.

There was an internal battle in Zhan’s heart. He didn’t want to return to Heaven if that meant loosing Bo, but he wouldn’t deny him this opportunity to go back and reclaim his position in Heaven’s library. If Bo wanted to go back, he would respect his choice. He reached a decision, and after a pregnant silence he spoke.

“Michael, my brother. Your offer is beyond generous. Offering us the chance to see Heaven again, to visit the stars and all the corners of Universe is more than we deserve, but…”

“But?” Michael asked arching one of his eyebrows.

“But I’d rather live my short life as a human and die than not being free to love him,” Zhan proclaimed. 

A small smile grew on Yi Bo’s face. His heart swelled inside his ribcage, he felt so happy. Between Heaven and him, Zhan had chosen him. He felt the need to let Michael know his decision so he started speaking.

“My brother, as Wei Wuxian told you, your offer is a munificent one, but I’d rather live just one more lifetime with him, than an eternity without him. I must decline the offer.”  
Michael looked displeased. He could not process their rejection. How could any being that had lived in Heaven refuse to come back? Raising his voice, he addressed them.  
“How could you chose these feeble human bodies over the angelic nature?” He asked impatiently. 

“Humans might be feeble and weak,” Yi Bo responded. “And they can be selfish and wicked, but…” he paused, “they also know how to love and sacrifice their wishes for something greater, and most importantly, they are free. I’ve lived many human lives in different bodies. I know of life and death so I’m choosing fully conscious of my fate.”  
“You fools!” Michael shouted at them.

A harrumph sounded in the room, everybody turned to look at Armaros that seemed to be the source of that sound. “I…might have forgotten to tell you something,” he said.  
With everyone’s attention on him, he continued with a shaky voice, but a full determination. “You see, brothers I didn’t tell you the complete truth about the spells I put on Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji when they fell.”

“What are you talking about?” Zhan questioned him.

“I found a book long ago at Heaven’s library, just before Samyaza requested my help. I read a spell that could create…a hybrid,” Armaros answered him, his eyes downcast.  
“What?!” Yi Bo wanted to know.

“I discovered this long before angels and human women procreated so it basically described how to create…a nephilim half angel and half human. And I…put that spell on both of you underneath of all the other spells.”

“But it didn’t work. We’re both human!” Zhan interjected, still stupefied by what was just revealed to them.

“I know. I researched later what had gone wrong, and I discovered I was just not powerful enough to cast the spell. It requires far more magic than what I possess. Even today, I don’t have the power to activate it, but…” he stopped speaking and looked at Michael’s direction.

Michael frowned at him. However, he didn’t utter a protest. He looked like he was pondering the idea. 

“Think about it brother, their lifespan will be longer, their bodies would not be that fragile, they would be far stronger than humans, and…” Armaros was really focused on selling his idea to Michael.

“And?” Michael encouraged to go on, clearly intrigued.

“Wings brother…they would have wings!” Armaros closed his argument.

Zhan and Bo gasped. Wings, they both remembered how it was to be able to fly. Could it be possible? They didn’t dare to hope.

Michael kept silent for what felt like an eternity, he looked extremely pensive, dubious. Finally, he turned towards Zhan.

“Are you both sure you don’t want to go back?”

Yi Bo was the one to respond. “We are not them anymore. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian really ceased to exist as you knew them when we fell. Life on Earth changed us, we experienced many things that were bound to transform us. Now, I’m Wang Yi Bo and he is Xiao Zhan. We wouldn’t fit in Heaven.”

“Is that true?” Michael questioned Zhan directly.

“It is, brother Michael. No one remains unchanged while experiencing human life,” Zhan sounded completely peaceful.

Michael huffed and then he remembered Samyaza, who was lying on the floor.

“Armaros,” he called, “summon Purah, now.”

Armaros obeyed at once and Purah materialized in the room immediately. 

“Wipe any trace of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji from Samyaza’s memory,” Michael ordered him and Purah did that speedily. As soon as he finished, he left.

“Is that all? Aren’t you going to punish him?” Armaros questioned him

“I can’t destroy him without an order from the Lord. He created him. Only the Lord can destroy him. If I imprison him, he could eventually escape. But he can’t pursue what he doesn’t know exists. Let him wander on Earth, alone and confused.”

Armaros understood Michael’s logic, but he didn’t like it. It was Zhan who touched his shoulder and looked into his eyes. 

“I forgive you Armaros. I can’t forgive him, but I forgive you. Let it go.”

Bo nodded, fully accepting Zhan’s decision. He was still in debt to Armaros. “You never named your price, Armaros.” He reminded him. _Later 'i' Tag_ Armaros had said to him. 

“You just have to cherish him, take care of him, love him, and be happy. That’s enough for me. I’ll live vicariously through you, you know?” was Armaros’ sad response.

Michael looked like he had reach a decision. He looked at both of them and told them, “So be it.” And looking at Armaros he inquired, “What do I need to do?”

“Lend me your power for a moment, brother. Fear nothing, I won’t take advantage of it.”

Michael channeled his power through Armaros and Armaros worked his magic. Immediately, blue symbols brightened on Zhan and Bo’s skin while Armaros chanted in a long forgotten language. 

A bright light engulfed them both and after a moment, it disappeared. It seemed that nothing had happened, that they remained unchanged until Bo spread his newly recovered golden wings. 

Zhan looked at him marveled and decided to try his own. From his mind, he retrieved the memory of spreading his wings and they appeared. They were silver, just like before.  
“Go,” Michael ordered them. “I’ll take care of everything else. Armaros will help me sort this mess out.”

Later, much later, when centuries had already passed a magical tale would be told amongst angels and demons. Humans remained in the dark about it. It was a tale about a pair of angels that were offered a stairway back to the skies, but had refused it. They just wanted to be free to love each other.

At that moment, Zhan and Bo looked into each other’s eyes, both determined and committed. They shared a tender kiss, after they moved apart from each other, Bo asked Zhan.

“Are you ready my love?”

“Always,” Zhan answered him tenderly.

Hand in hand, they spread their wings and departed. Where to? Who knows? Who cares?

The end


End file.
